The night I lost my dad to suicide

I’m going to tell you about the night I’ll never forget. It was 2nd February 2010, a Tuesday. I’d just returned from a month in Spain with two friends. We went to Madrid, Granada & Seville to take flamenco classes at several dance schools, after 10 years of dancing. When I was there and I’d call home, I knew in my gut something wasn’t right. We arrived home on Saturday 30th January, 2010. I could tell my dad was going through a bout of severe depression. He’d been through this before, we survived it. He survived it. I had no idea what was coming, but I always feared the worst. He waited for me to come home, but he’d planned it.

Dad would say to my brother, “I was blind and now I see,” but wouldn’t say what he meant. He was such a closed book. My dad said to me, “I love you my Vicki,” the Monday before he died, before I left for work. I felt sick in my gut. The tone, sadness in his eyes, but you still put the worst out of your mind. In hindsight, my mum noticed my dad sorting his papers in his drawers and even the back of a scrap piece of paper where he wrote his note. 

Tuesday started like any other day. While I was at work, my dad took the car for a service and pruned the vine in the backyard. He also left his note on the cage of our pet galah at the time. He knew that my mum wouldn’t see the note until about 5pm when it was time to settle Cookie for the night. My last memory of my dad was opening the back door to pick up the garbage bag to take to the bin. Then he said to my mum he was going to the neighbour’s house a few doors down to clear the mailbox and feed their cat. He always did this for them when they were on vacation. He told her he wouldn’t be long. He never came back.

When my mum saw the note and read it, she showed my brother who came to my room and read it to me. It was the worst fear and feeling of helplessness I ever felt at the time. It was a note that said not to hold a funeral for him, but cremate & scatter his ashes in the ocean. In the Greek Orthodox tradition, a person never gets cremated, only buried. This was a message of feeling worthless, we’re better off without him. I can’t remember what else, and I’d rather not. All of us went into a panic. Any logical thinking of where we’d find him went out the window and was replaced with distress. My mum and brother called the police.

I couldn’t bring myself to sit there in my panic. In my state, drowning in tears, I got in my car and drove around searching the streets for him, all the way to Ramsgate beach. I don’t know why and the beach isn’t a walking distance. My dad and I used to spend time talking and walking along the promenade there. This time I was there running up and down in sheer distress. I probably looked like what many might call, a raving lunatic, to people on the beach. Obviously, I wasn’t. What people perceive and judge and what the real story is are two different things. Let this be a lesson in humanity.

I returned home. God must have had an angel protecting me, because in the state I was in, I shouldn’t have been driving. I was distressed, tears streaming like Niagara Falls, I couldn’t focus clearly. I felt shocked, helpless, such despair like I’ve never felt. Perhaps God helped my dad with preventing us finding him. Had we been thinking clearly, it was obvious where my dad would be. At home, I sat in my parent’s bedroom, in the dark, looking out onto the street. I felt numb and helpless, just waiting, not knowing what to do. My mum and brother were in the kitchen, talking with the two police officers, translating the note into English. They went through the day, every chore or errand my dad did. And then he went to our neighbours’ house, to clear the letter box and feed the cat. The police had their lead for the next step. It’s here that the end began.

I kept sitting in the dark in my parents’ bedroom. It was at the moment my brother said, “There’s an ambulance. Something’s happened.” He saw an ambulance arrive, but with no siren. That’s when I went hysterical. No siren screamed the worst. We asked the police officer what’s happened. He said he didn’t  know yet. I think he waited for the paramedics to confirm what we feared most. I don’t know how my mum managed to present such a strong front for the sake of her children. She grabbed each of us by the hand and said, “No matter what happens, we’re going to be OK.” When the two police officers said my father had passed away, my body went completely numb from the sudden shock. Everything from then was like I was having an out of body experience. I guess denial kicked in, not to mention the commotion that started from here on, first with the neighbours. 

I was in a daze but I do remember this. Most didn’t help us, not even a glass of water. They added to our grief and pain instead. I’d rather have been alone and it definitely wasn’t a time for being alone. I relived the trauma with the Greek Orthodox church community in July 2017, but this time I released so much suppressed anger, grief, trauma, pain, tears. I already felt isolated, alone and afraid. And, yet again, I was judged, bullied, gossiped about and discriminated, down by my manager and up by a colleague I now supervised. And again, I was left without support.

I would talk to the campus minister about it. God tests all of us to really challenge us to be true to our word. How could ministry at my university employer, abandon me, leaving me to suffer systemic abuse alone, when they condemned this very experience, in my history? That neglect could have cost a life. No reasonable attempt has been made by university leaders, to reverse the damage and indignity they recklessly caused, and help me get back to my job. They must be ordered to do what’s legally right by regulators and law enforcers. And be replaced with ethical leaders.

I’ve had enough experience with psychopaths and narcissists growing up. There was no way I could let a corporate psychopath (the national manager of employment relations and SAFETY fits the profile) at the university, make it a mission (not the university’s mission), to destroy me from her seventh month at the university. But no one gave me a helping hand or protected me.

Going back to that tragic night, only one neighbour supported me emotionally that night, a childhood friend. She stayed with me and took the day off work the following day and helped us plan the funeral. When a sudden shock like this befalls you, you’re not prepared for organising formalities. My family called a priest. They asked him to just call a funeral business to get it done. Big mistake. When I learned it was Acropolis Funerals, I had a gut feeling we were in for more pain and betrayal.

But as the neighbours started coming over that night, one said to my brother that we had an obligation to call my dad’s “family”. WE WERE DAD’S FAMILY! And we honestly didn’t have an obligation toward anyone, especially toward psychos who we knew were going to hurl abuse at us. A phone call was made, so now we were preparing for a second round of horrible shock and pain that night, only an hour after my dad’s body was identified, his glasses, keys and wallet returned to us. All this was so surreal and hard enough.

I have been unwell and overwhelmed with financial distress caused by worker’s compensation fraud, for years. Even when an industry is regulated, it isn’t. I’ve been told Catholic Church Insurance has a bad reputation in the industry. I’m going to make sure that changes too, by more audits to actually comply with worker’s compensation regulations and not with corrupt individuals abusing power.

Light shines on what is hidden in darkness. Now I understand that this wasn’t only about saving my life, but suicide prevention from unmanaged psychosocial hazards of workplace bullying, discrimination and harassment, in the state of NSW. I hope best practice succeeds and is then followed by other states. I persevere.

I have battled a corrupt system (it’s the truth, there’s no other word to describe it), for good to triumph. I’ve battled alone for too long now. I just don’t get paid for the work I do. The reward will be greater if it saves lives, but I have bills and cost of living expenses like everyone. I earned my living honourably and everyone who knows me at the university, knows this. So I ask again, why am I being persecuted? Where’s the application of Catholic Social Teaching principles in my case? I was abandoned and neglected by yet another community I thought I was valued in. Being human, I’m frightened, alone and traumatised by it all.

My dad was a kind and gentle soul. He actually worried this current abuse would happen toward me at the university because of the manager. It’s the first time I had explicitly requested help. I begged, I pleaded. And nothing. Silence, neglect, abandonment. Now I understand why loneliness is a huge killer. This needs to change very soon. Because feeling like no one values you or cares, doesn’t give you a reason for living. I’m talking about people targeted in such a way generally and globally. It’s a global workplace safety issue. It’s a legal obligation.

Going back to my story, an hour after my dad’s death by suicide, his brother-in-law, a priest, turned up. He didn’t respect our pain and grief at all, and just fired scathing comments at us. His comments, for me, were harassment, abuse, intimidation and slander. At best, morally reprehensible. He showed no consideration for the fact that we’d just lost our dad and my mum had just lost her husband of over forty years. He came for one reason only - to inflict more pain and suffering on an already seriously bereaved family, in our home. We had just been told my dad had taken his own life and we were in serious shock, vulnerable and in severe pain. To verbally attack anyone and kick them in the face when they are already down and in a very vulnerable state is really horrible. Why did everyone at the university allow this to happen too, and for so long?

The priest came with an air of arrogance, wanting everyone to kiss his hand, even wearing his clerical collar, as he proceeded to point his finger at us and say we had locked my father in his own home like a prison sentence and we should rejoice with what we’d done, and he didn’t know how he was going to be able to look at us horrible people at the funeral. He had no shame to abuse a family who was fragile and in shock. 

The police officers still there thought he was ministering to a grieving family. He spoke in Greek so they had no idea and no one thought to tell them to get rid of him asap. His phone numbers have been blocked. We had to set boundaries - no toxic attitude or gossip will enter our homes again. The harassment via emails to myself and family by a senior executive in HR, was illegal, including the sick audacity to contact the psychologist who I started seeing for the grief and trauma, from July 2017, without my signed consent or knowledge. This was deliberate, to harass and distress me. I recommend reading the university’s WHS policy, regarding duty of care to ourselves and each other. How long will I have to endure this silent treatment called mobbing, this psychological torture? Not the police, an APVO application, SafeWork NSW, NTEU or my trusted colleagues, did anything to protect me. It’s like an abused woman going to every place that’s meant to help protect her, and they all ignore her plea and even add to the disrespect with more incivility. I suffer trauma now, and everyone’s negligence contributed to it. Read the policies on discrimination and harassment, bullying and complaints management. I can’t anymore. I feel sick.

I keep diverting from that tragic night, because it’s all surreal and traumatic, and it’s all coming from religious institutions. Anyway, my dad’s younger brother came over that night with his new girlfriend. If the shock of my dad’s suicide wasn’t enough, this is what we had an obligation to put up with that night. We had no idea our uncle was with this person, not to mention he had her call the police station for information. Unlike the unethical Greek church community (or the Catholic university at this moment), as if the police would disclose information to anyone other than the immediate family, which happened to be dad’s wife and two children. He even had the audacity to say a few days later, “You might be his kids, but I’m his brother and I love him 5 times more.” A few months later he was on a holiday in the US with the girlfriend. But he loved my dad more than us. You think? His phone number has been blocked.

If horrible relatives on one side of the family weren’t enough, how do I explain my mum’s narcissistic sister? She’s the extreme opposite of my mum. No comparison. My mum has been so generous, hospitable, caring and beautiful to everyone. An entire life. We all had. That aunt had her own arrogant and egotistical agenda that night. Couldn’t she be a support to her sister? It wasn’t a time to give off airs of her own. Her phone number has been blocked.

To be continued… from the day after the tragedy. 

Part 2 Organisational culture: the cons

“Leaders who take interest in people merely because they should will be both wrong and unsuccessful. They will be wrong because regard for people is an end in itself. They will be unsuccessful because they will be found out.”

Stephen R. Covey

I identified common themes on employer review websites* of staff experiences. Having been part of the community since 2001, I have witnessed and experienced it myself. As I said, the government is now playing catch up, starting with the Universities Accord report (see Australian Universities Accord: 2024-25 Budget Summary). 

But how much longer will staff, students and community safety, health and wellbeing, be compromised, by poor leadership? How much money will be misused in poor business decisions and governance, which ultimately harms the health of the organisation and its reputation? The financial health of the university is being damaged, in addition to the financial security and WHS and Wellbeing of staff, students and community members. 

Accountability and compliance with existing laws and regulations is urgent. What I and my family were intentionally put through by senior management, the wilful misconduct and recklessness to cause harm, is very serious. There has been no proper auditing, regulation and accountability in the university sector, for too long. 

It has been over a year since the release of the Australian Universities Accord interim report, with the priority actions. How much longer will institutional abuse against many university sector employees, students, families and communities continue, Minister Jason Clare? 

Refer to the Code-of-conduct-for-all-staff. Emphasis on ALL STAFF.

The pros were generally:

• lovely, amazing, friendly, intelligent and supportive colleagues in committed and passionate teams;

• dedicated, hardworking "lower" level staff who care and genuinely want the best outcomes for students (trying to do their best, despite the lack of support from university managers - note: I had commented in a union meeting, in August 2020, “take care of quality staff and you’re taking care of the student experience”);

• job security, reasonable pay, benefits and superannuation (except when one becomes a victim of the crime of worker’s compensation fraud as the most diabolical adverse action, with senior executives stealing twenty years of accrued leave benefits, superannuation, income, entitlements in attempt at job theft, further breaching the injury management plan agreement, and regulators enabling it to happen). 

Now for a general overview of the cons:

Please note, I really struggled reading these reviews, because, like many staff, I too experienced the serious misconduct. As an empath, I could feel the trauma and other emotions, in the written reviews. We are key stakeholders, as is the public, given it is a publicly (tax payer) funded university. We are all stakeholders. We must have a voice in how Australian universities are governed. 

I only provide a general, collective and thematic overview of what was included in the reviews. There were several predictable and repetitive themes that came through. The details, emotions, feelings and personal experiences of other people, is their story to tell. The university senior executive group refuse to listen. Will the Albanese Government listen? Will Minister Jason Clare and Minister Tony Burke, for Education and Employment and Workplace Relations, respectively, listen? 

Senior management, top management, senior executives, senior managers, senior executive group, upper management were the terms used to describe those in senior leadership positions. Where “the university” was used, I take it to encompass those in such roles. 

Lack of direction, vision, accountability and business expertise 

• now driven by a corporate agenda; however

• directionless;

• inexperienced in business matters and implementing a successful business model; 

• disregard for tax-payers or student contributions;

• turbulent, endless changes, zero business planning with constant reactionary change and hasty decisions; 

• would benefit from a more business-minded approach;

• out of their depth in front of the commercial realities;

• too old-school; 

• too much bureaucracy and red tape;

• bureaucracy stifles initiative and innovation;

• appalling administrative elements of the University;

• hard work of staff undermined by extremely poor decisions and support;

• serious financial problems, many staff leaving, the whole situation is poorly managed;

• accountability is inadequate regarding auditing of senior roles, responsibilities, behaviour and perks; 

• no checks and balances to ensure senior leaders are complying and working ethically and morally;

Lack of application of the staff code of conduct, mission, policies, values and ethos

• senior management do not follow their own ethos and mission; 

• disconnect between the University Mission and the horrendous treatment of staff by senior management (definitely not working within the mission); 

• lack of advancement opportunities, inefficient internal processes and misalignment of mission and ethos with operational goals;

• only concern is do whatever it takes to protect the university when they are aware of wrongdoing;

• pervasive culture of bullying and intimidation of staff and research students;

• university prioritises its own concerns far above the interests of students.

Organisational structure, operations and culture

• archaic hierarchical structure that significantly slows decision-making; 

• disrespectful, devaluing, demoralising hierarchical structure that undermines work-life balance; 

• culture of control and power in a couple hands means lack of autonomy, even at senior management level;

• everything is referred up to senior executive group level - even senior managers are quite disempowered;

• extremely high pressure on managers to perform in an environment where success is made almost impossible because of lack of structure;

• old and outdated equipment, furniture not fit for purpose, and in some cases, broken. WHS assessments are never carried out for any staff at their desks;

• lack of flexibility and zero recognition;

• unsupportive culture, stifling and no job satisfaction;

• frequent restructures, siloed and arrogant departments, poor management styles;

• staff are constantly refused professional development, opportunities for growth were limited,

• needs massive top down organisational changes;

• senior management prefer and reward staff with sub par performance with staff who try to excel often “managed out”; 

• change in pay date meant pay would be delayed for three weeks. When an employee asked to receive one week in advance (which they already worked so it wasn't in advance, and it was to cover costs like fuel required to get to work) the employee was basically told “you must be joking we don't do that kind of thing here” (note - I include this more specific example with what is to come in my story, with what was deliberately done to me). 

Employees are treated with contempt

• the board can't handle money, so they decided to cut many jobs, a lot of good people leaving;

• the university treats its employees badly, bullies and politics everywhere; 

• the university administration offers shifting rationales for redundancies, adding insult to injury;

• senior management lack understanding of how a positive staff experience drives culture and performance;

• issues with KPIs and unwillingness of senior management to listen to staff; 

• early-career researchers leaving within a year of starting their contract, due to serious issues with the university;

• unreasonable, very heavy workloads, understaffed;

• staff treated like slaves; 

• toxic work environments;

• senior management rely on staff kindness and thoughtfulness.

Distrust

• do not care about people, just the money;

• ego-centric environment;

• no respect for staff, the value they bring and the contribution they wanted to make;

• inefficient systems;

• toxic politics - be prepared to “suck up” to and not cross the power brokers;

• no trust in university leaders;

• soul destroying;

• was a great place to work but not any more. 

Management, leaders, supervisors - taken to mean from middle management and higher

• no consistency, poor policy implementation and poor communication;

• broken promises, not delivering what was agreed; 

• extreme and unsustainable teaching load; 

• excessive bullying and micromanaging from a supervisor causing psychological injuries;

• staff witnessed frequent bullying, which had been going on for a while, HR do nothing, so staff avoid reporting it, given no resolution and HR cause more difficulties;

• high staff turnover and low morale with academic and professional staff leaving due to an organisational culture of bullying;

• poor management techniques, many without any experience or training for a management position, reflected in their conduct and the poor decision making;

• failure of managers to coach and mentor direct reports when it is an expectation to do so; 

• no commitment or support from management; 

• lack of training, guidance and support to succeed, the goal post is constantly moved;

• below average leadership culture;

• reprimanding staff on trivial but serious matters, such as for taking personal leave after exacerbating an injury at work, caused by a manager’s lack of duty of care (note - reread my initial complaint “fobbed off” to HR by an inexperienced associate director, regarding such examples of WHS violations). 

Advice to Management (who refuse to listen)

Given a response to this field was “Well ..... I don’t want to waste my time”... and given the collective responses, in combination with my volume of evidence, proves the gravity of a serious systemic issue, the recommendations regarding governance, accountability, compliance and regulation of the university MUST be re-directed to National Cabinet (and an upper house inquiry) for the following Priority Action 5 to happen: 

“Through National Cabinet, immediately engage with state and territory governments and universities to improve university governance, particularly focusing on:

• universities being good employers

• student and staff safety

• membership of governing bodies, including ensuring additional involvement of people with expertise in the business of universities.”

Advice to management included:

• focus on why enrolments are dropping instead of making large scale redundancies to cut costs; 

• cutting staff because of fiscal irresponsibility by the board is putting the wrong heads on the chopping block. A repetitive cycle with staff leaving in droves (resignations and redundancies being announced frequently);

• engagement with staff needs improving. Communicating the vision of the review and the proposed benefits will no doubt remove the level of angst and uncertainty the workforce is experiencing. A workforce is an organic creature with its own life support, and having it on side throughout the process will only benefit the organisation in the long run;

• change management should not be a case of expediently getting rid of the “cheapest” staff to avoid larger redundancy payouts;

• stop supporting and moving mediocrity sideways and turning a blind eye to bad recruitment decisions, it is killing the organisation…once loved;

• employ people with the right skill set for positions available. Don't employ over qualified people using misleading tactics during the recruitment process to get them on-board, for them to leave months later. It is wasting people's time;

• start taking financial advice from people trained in finance …;

• be more courageous, decisive and demonstrate accountability across the university;

• take responsibility for your own mistakes;

• listen to and respect your staff and students;

• focus more on your people if you want to achieve your strategies; 

• consider that often those who seek to stay there are doing so for security rather than loyalty. KPIs were a complete non-event;

• stop micromanaging your employees; 

• have more consistent values, integrity and value your mission driven workforce; 

• walk the talk as a university that values love and compassion;

• action the values espoused;

• pay attention to proper planning in your management teams, to prevent poor performance;

• bring in more corporate-style thinking to lead the organisation;  

• look beyond the industry for innovative solutions;

• employ people that know how to run a business and take less overseas trips;

• have a better understanding of research requirements and provide more support for early career researchers;

• start managing research students in a way that puts the students' best interests and well-being at front and centre;

• stop praising the people that "suck up" and look at the employees who do the right thing; 

• can’t give any as management is the problem. If you are being bullied by a manager, you don’t stand a chance and best to leave for mental and physical well being (Note: this should NOT be allowed to happen and should NOT continue safe work and insurance regulators. You MUST step in, stop the institutional abuse NOW). 

*Glassdoor and Seek 

Part 1 Organisational culture: the cons

In mid-2023, the Australian Universities Accord interim report was released. Recommended were five immediate priority actions. My focus in this post will be on Priority Action 5, given my own experience: 

“Through National Cabinet, immediately engage with state and territory governments and universities to improve university governance, particularly focusing on:

• universities being good employers

• student and staff safety

• membership of governing bodies, including ensuring additional involvement of people with expertise in the business of universities.

Australian governments should work together to strengthen university governing boards by rebalancing their composition to put greater emphasis on higher education expertise. Governing bodies must as a priority do more to improve student and staff wellbeing and become exemplary employers”. (p.13 Universities Accord interim report). 

I emphasise the priority of strengthening institutional governance. These reforms of the higher education sector are long overdue. Now it’s playing catch up, but at least this government has recognised the need for reform. “We must ensure all Australian universities are exemplary employers”. To further quote from the report:

“The sector’s success in delivering skills, knowledge and equity is underpinned by enduring and stable funding and governance architecture. Governing bodies, notably university councils, proactively foster positive institutional cultures that are transparent and able to deliver strategically, whilst retaining a strong commitment to staff satisfaction and student experience, safety, and wellbeing. Councils comprise members with business expertise, but also those who know and appreciate the unique characteristics of higher education.” (p. 26 Universities Accord interim report).

Australian Universities Accord Interim Report

I can only comment on one institution’s poor governance practices and leadership, multiple breaches of safety and institutional abuse and abuse of power. I do believe, however, that it’s systemic. No government regulator has truly enforced laws and regulations on the university sector, for too long. No institution truly self-regulates once dark triad personality types are appointed. The tentacles spread far and wide, in a “network” of power abusers across the system. I will elaborate on examples of these “strategic alliances” and undisclosed conflicts of interest, in later posts. 

Given the state of harm my health had reached, it left me with no choice but to raise the WHS issues with the “one up” from my manager, an associate director on an executive salary. Her incompetence and disgraceful and dismissive attitude, especially passing the matter on to HR without any consultation with me, my and my family’s privacy were about to be violated and exploited to cause harm to me in the most diabolical and immoral adverse action. There was no attempt to manage the psychosocial hazards. On the contrary, HR and upper management were the greatest examples of reckless and unlawful behaviour. 

When I first made this complaint to the associate director, her poor decisions lead to mismanagement, negligence and ultimately poor conduct from executive staff. HR then proceeded to take extensive adverse action against me, abusing power, including committing the crime of fraud by withholding worker’s compensation benefits. Initiated by the national manager of employment relations and safety, all my leave entitlements were stolen unlawfully, while continuing the harassment, to deny me my right to return and recover in my job. They breached a second contract: the injury management plan agreement. 

Here’s how it all started. Keep the Universities Accord priority in mind, as you read:

Restructure and implementation

The restructure was planned by my unit’s executive group in 2016. It was very secretive and we were all presented with the plan at the same time. Not even the local campus managers were given this information prior, to prepare for the reaction of staff it would impact in a negative way. I submitted an EOI for the Senior Library Co-ordinator role based on the Position Description. The biggest issue was that the former Associate Director of the part of the Library being restructured, retired at the end of 2016, once the plan was formally approved and all staff were placed in their upcoming roles.

For the first six months of 2017, there was no permanent Associate Director appointed to implement the new structure, provide information, support, resources, etc. A local manager at one of the campuses acted in the role, but it was all still quite vague. The new structure changed the dynamics of my relationship with the manager on my campus, as I now had my own team to lead and manage. At first, we were short staffed leading up to semester one, so it was a case of reacting to requests from Schools and Faculties and just staying afloat. The pressure and covert bullying I was experiencing from the very start of this role resulted in all three points listed by the World Health Organisation as burnout, by end of May 2017. My body was telling me this was not normal or healthy.

When I returned from my spontaneously organised trip to Italy, a new Associate Director had been employed. I first met this individual at an internal conference. Unfortunately, that same Friday afternoon (late July 2017), something serious occurred in my personal life that caused me to release all the suppressed grief and trauma relating to my dad’s suicide, that had happened seven years before. In society, there seems to be an expectation to never show vulnerability or express human emotion. I was to return to work and be stoic. I felt I had no support network from the church community I grew up in at the time of my dad’s suicide (I had added trauma as I felt the stigma, judgement, labels and gossip in full force) and I relived this again in 2017, after attempting compassionate dialogue to educate a community about mental health, suicide and the serious effects of stigma. I walked away completely traumatised and bullied, and finally got the grief and trauma counselling I never had.

The way I was being treated at work didn’t help. I was overworked due to unclear expectations, received constant unconstructive criticism, experienced micromanagement to manage my team the manager’s way, and I was gaslit and emotionally abused so much, I was then “judged” from the start as a poor manager (only according to my manager). I was set up to fail. This manager judged and labeled staff and seemed to have convinced this new “executive” manager that she was right. Covert narcissists manipulate information regarding private and personal matters of certain staff as a form of disturbing proof that their opinions are correct. She had distressed staff at already emotionally vulnerable times in their lives, including my own. Sometimes things happen in life we have no control over. That’s why things like personal leave policies and entitlements exist. This manager unethically violated my personal boundaries many times and that of some of my team and other staff. That is harassment. I am suffering the consequences of this behaviour, labelling and judgement, on top of management’s poor implementation of a restructure.

I tried raising my concerns directly with this manager, as mentioned in a previous post, but she had a habit of becoming defensive, cutting me off and starting a monologue of her own, that usually violated personal boundaries. She was judgemental, insulting and deflected the issue raised to something irrelevant and inappropriate. It was emotionally draining behaviour. I finally snapped one morning (2 July 2019) because, although I loved my job, and I am very capable in my job, as many know, I was on my last legs from constant harassment and covert bullying. My health, wellbeing and productivity had been compromised by this manager. I was very angry and distressed. I was so scared. I had told the new associate director that I had been thrown into an ocean and left to drown. I needed an opportunity to be heard. But I still found no one was listening or supporting me in the transition in the role or taking seriously what I had to tolerate on my own.

Becoming aware of covert bullying

It was in mid-2018, when this manager finally bullied me with an insulting label, that I gave up trying to communicate with her and said, “That’s it, take the job back. Management isn’t for everyone. It’s not worth the money.” I was made to feel, and coerced to believe, I wasn’t good at this job. I was labelled self-absorbed repeatedly when I was extremely burnt out trying to keep up with all her unrealistic demands, vague expectations, constant criticism and supporting my team to the best of my ability with all of this pressure. I temporarily stepped down in mid-2018 when this manager kept repeating “self-absorbed” in her office. I’d had enough. The associate director had been in the role for a year by then. I expected that she would now have a good idea how each campus library, across three states and one territory, functioned, and the sub-cultures created by each manager. However, by this stage, I had been put through too much already.

It was when I was sent to North Sydney in April and May 2019 as a “secondment”, that I realised what I was being put through. I was being singled out and treated differently by this new associate director, when I had given so much, more than most other library staff, because they had managers that didn’t bully or harass them. The expectations placed on me were massively unrealistic and unfair. Why had this associate director not noticed this? Why didn’t she ask or become more informed, beyond fortnightly visits to my campus to have lengthy meetings with my manager, where she’d listen to malicious rumours and gossip that influenced her opinion of the truth? It was humiliating and demeaning based on a manipulative manager’s covert bullying, judgement and influencing the new associate director, of her own subjective opinions about me. I knew what management entailed and I wanted to have the autonomy I needed to apply what I had learnt in courses. I needed the harassment to stop, so I could do my job and apply and learn strategies in practice, not just theory. I now had another campus to compare my experience with and I realised I had suffered trauma because I was being bullied. No other SLC was going through this experience. I was treated differently despite my work ethic and output.

I realised that a) my colleagues in the same role were not treated unfairly or put through what I had been, and b) finally I’m told by the associate director, if I’m not happy with the outcome after raising concerns with my direct manager, I can take the issue further up. Therefore, I raised the issue with the associate director. I told her I felt emotionally unsafe under that manager’s constant bullying and needed to finally remove myself for my wellbeing until the issue was resolved. As the associate director was going on leave until end of July 2019, I took sick leave until she returned. I was hoping to calm down and take care of myself. By this stage, I felt completely broken and burnt out.

How Library Executive managed the issue

When the associate director returned, I spent 2.5 hours informing her exactly what I was put through, since January 2017. It was a shock when I finished reporting my complaint to her and she already had a solution pre-prepared. Did she listen to anything I said in that meeting? The interim solution was demeaning and humiliating again, so this time, I declined to be put through any more of this treatment, having my skills and intelligence insulted repeatedly, by such poor management practices. It is here this incompetent associate director, contacted the “relationships manager” (?) in HR to intervene. I honestly felt like a ping pong ball being thrown around. I chose to continue sick leave until this was resolved (thinking it would be resolved quickly).

At the start of August 2019, this associate director took a week carer’s leave, and referred me to the Director of Libraries if I had questions. I wasn’t sure if I needed to wait for HR to contact me or if I needed to wait for guidance from the library executive. I asked the library director my question, and received an email that seemed quite stock standard. There was a link to a HR form. I thought this was guidance to proceed. The link was broken. I tried to find a live one on the website and it was broken there too. I interpreted this to mean HR don’t care. I was going around in circles. In frustration, I finally emailed this “relationships manager”, to ask for the live link. She just gave me the link without guidance (what was the process, how do I complete the form etc). I had no clear communication, support, instructions, whatsoever. I was about to submit a formal complaint and I had no idea what that meant. It was a plain and primitive form with three fields. I could not return until the issue was resolved. I had hypertension from all the stress. I really needed to focus on my health and eliminate the need for such medication. I needed to remove myself from the stressor as per the very WHS policy! The Library executive managed this poorly and now HR would continue doing the same. The diabolical adverse action would begin.

How HR managed the issue which is still ongoing

I finally enquired with the relationship manager how long before I get a reply as I was submitting sick leave week by week, waiting for advice for a resolution. Now I learn a formal complaint required a response from the Director of HR. At this point I could feel that this wasn’t going to be useful but typical legal jargon, and, if anything, detrimental, complicating things further (and yet the associate director said, in that 2.5 hour meeting, it wasn’t brain surgery. It shouldn’t have been this complicated to the complete destruction of my safety, health and wellbeing). Why were they complicating this grievance to the point of threatening me on a personal level (I had an expectation and a right to do my job with dignity and respect in a safe work environment), rather than discuss how to resolve the workplace issue?

The email from the HR director on 23rd August finally had me in tears and completely frustrated. I was so upset by the isolation and lack of communication, guidance and support I needed to resolve this. The legal jargon and indifference to my complaint frustrated me. I was advised to resolve the issue locally with my manager and her manager. That’s what I had done, and it was the associate director who had forwarded the matter to HR in the first place! I, indeed, was a ping pong ball being hit back and forth. I emailed the “relationships manager” and asked what this means. All I wanted was someone to contact me to have a meeting in person to start resolving this issue.

She told me to call at 1pm and when I did, she was with her manager, the HR associate director, a seriously creepy covert narcissist. In this phone call, I was a broken record for one hour telling them I was fine, what I needed was to resolve this issue, starting with a meeting and for these people to finally listen. They didn’t listen again. Established policies and procedures were not followed at all.

After a distressing formal letter sent to me by that creepy HR associate director, I called to tell her I was angry because nothing I told her was in the letter and what she wrote was completely inaccurate and dangerous. I find it frightening and confronting that organisations deliberately use triggers to target staff in adverse action. The letter alleged I had threatened self-harm to a number of staff (a disgusting false accusation, knowing it would distress me having lost my own father to suicide). This letter sent alarm bells as to the real motive behind HR’s action which was further bullying and victimisation. I showed the letter to my GP. We were in agreement that such false accusations were very serious and could have been a risk to one’s safety and wellbeing, had a person truly been that vulnerable. I was not at-risk and my GP had informed an OT. Why did she not inform HR?

I told HR I needed to be informed why policies weren’t being followed. Through the OT, an email was sent to the GP (bypassing me, they wouldn’t care to send it to me directly, but they were advised by the OT to send it directly to my GP for “support”), threatening disciplinary action with seriously scary coercion tactics, even though I’d finally sent the detailed complaint to all key parties, regarding what I went through, so everyone could be on the same page.

All I wanted to do was resolve a workplace bullying issue. It took some time to realise this wasn’t normal behaviour. I was judged and harassed from the beginning. The GP informed the OT that I could return to work immediately once the issue was resolved. I experienced even more bullying, harassment and victimisation from HR at an entirely new and frightening level. It was because of all this delay and abusive treatment from HR that I needed to use so much sick leave (I was coerced to use it all as my records show), and then all my annual and long service leave. HR harassed me through ALL MY ACCRUED LEAVE ENTITLEMENTS - COMPLETE THEFT AND MASSIVE WHS VIOLATIONS. That is the repayment for two decades of excellent service. They tore my dignity to shreds (so much for a commitment to the dignity of the human person as per organisational mission), attempted to destroy my professional reputation (mud does NOT stick to integrity) and completely isolated me from my respected colleagues. This has been going on for so long because of the NTEU, SAFEWORK NSW AND SIRA NSW. I could not remain healthy and safe working in a toxic dysfunctional environment where I was overworked and bullied constantly.

I was under the impression that an organisation had a legal obligation to take a complaint seriously and a duty of care for the safety and wellbeing of staff. Initially, when I first raised the complaint, the bullying had already caused emotional stress and impeded my motivation, cognitive functioning and wellbeing. In addition, the university had no right to violate my family’s privacy and implicate them in a workplace matter I had always wanted resolved reasonably and fairly. I just wanted a way forward to resolve the issue, to be able to go to work without being bullied. The slander I’ve experienced has been traumatic. I have been deliberately isolated, marginalised and stripped of my dignity, just for enforcing my employee right to a safe work environment. I suffer severe trauma from the violation of my privacy and being the target of malicious lies. My human rights, to have a voice in my own complaint, were constantly denied.

The harassment deliberately continued, even when I demanded for HR to stop, because I had a certificate of capacity and attempted to follow the advice of my health professionals and put my health first. My demand was ignored. The negligence of the self-insurer and lack of communication from the RTW coordinator was deliberate to disadvantage me. I did not receive a claim form until I complained to WIRO nearly five months later. No one informed me about a claim form. The NTEU and WHS staff were coerced to withhold information from me (more to come on that). Whose responsibility was it to provide me with a claim form from the beginning of my compensation claim and why did they neglect to do so?

Now I do need to truly put my wellbeing and safety first. But SafeWork NSW and SIRA NSW are STILL grossly negligent. I’m still begging for my legal entitlements (the fraud to stop, to finally enforce compliance on CCI to process the claim form that should have happened in mid-2020)! What about SafeWork NSW continuing to be grossly negligent, when I’ve begged them to stop the psychological violence and harm for years! More of that to come, but no one should be forced to prove resilience like this. How many people have been subjected to such creepy torture, with regulators doing NOTHING to stop the workplace abuse, resulting in death by suicide? Would the leaders of SafeWork and SIRA regulators, then, also be guilty of industrial manslaughter due to their gross negligence? When are these SafeWork regulators planning on taking such deliberate psychological harm, directed by corporate leaders in organisations, seriously and take action to save the lives of hardworking people? How much longer SafeWork NSW, SIRA NSW, IRO and the Personal Injury Commission? How much longer NSW government department of customer service? How much longer Chris Minns?

I worked hard in my loyalty to the organisation and earned the role through my skills and service excellence to all my clients and colleagues. I expected, in return, the organisation would also look after me. The outcome I attempted to achieve, was a safe environment, to be able to work with dignity. I expect my right to a voice in my recovery, to safely recover from all this work-related trauma, being eased gradually into my role with a legitimate return to work plan (something never communicated to me by the RTW coordinator either), aligned to the injury management plan agreement an ethical case manager succeeded in providing myself and my NTD, before she was removed and never replaced. I sent multiple emails for cooperation and communication to the unethical CCI claims manager, and via IRO, who proved to be nothing more than a middleman with no problem solving and common sense. Banging your head on a brick wall would have more positive impact. 

Unfortunately, the organisation has revealed, with evidence, their negligence in duty of care, disloyalty and their breach in the employment contract. I used all my personal leave, annual leave and long service leave in attempts to resolve this issue reasonably and fairly for everyone. I need a truly positive outcome for my dignity, safety and wellbeing. That includes returning to work in due time, as per injury management plan, SIRA NSW, after making my health a priority. Stop the slander, bullying and threats to my career and reputation immediately, SafeWork NSW. I’ve suffered enough. 

Fair and Dignified Work Conditions - Justice and Peace office

Catholic Social Teaching on Work - Justice and Peace office

Rowlands, J. and Boden, R. (2020, 2 December). ‘How Australian vice-chancellors’ pay came to average $1 million and why it’s a problem.’ The Conversation. Online: https://theconversation.com/how-australian-vice-chancellors-pay-came-to-average-1-million-and- why-its-a-problem-150829 

Sheehy, B. (2021, 16 March). ‘Psychopaths at work: How to protect yourself from the hidden cost’. ABC News. Online https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-03-16/psychopaths-at-work-protecting-your- workplace/13249972

Williams, R. (2023, 7 January). ‘How Narcissistic Leaders Make Their Organizations Unethical’. [Blog] : http://raywilliams.ca/how-narcissistic-leaders-make-their-organizations-unethical/

Example one

Example two

Example three

Example four

Kindness matters - Treat others as you want to be treated

We must work together to bring back kindness and understanding within our own society. 

I believe it’s simple to be kind, but what some of us find easy, many find really hard. And for me, it feels like the kinder you are, the more you suffer and are taken for granted. 

In the last few years, the amount of toxic behaviour I encountered in our society, came as a shock. It felt like no amount of kindness could combat cruelty in this world. I was losing my faith in humanity. There were times when I experienced serious helplessness and fear from layers of abuse directed at me, concurrently. All that remained in me was faith and prayer. I’m not here to proselytise, and faith is a personal experience. But through all this suffering, my faith became stronger. I had nowhere else to turn. 

The whole experience of these last few years felt creepy and surreal. Was I in combat with certain individuals or people at work or corrupt and failed “systems” and organisations in this society, or was it something greater? Was it a pandemic of narcissism and indifference exposing the worst behaviour in humanity? Where was all this creepy unjust abuse coming from? And why? 

It takes courage to battle narcissism and indifference with a goal of restoring kindness and peace once more, in how we treat each other. Our society excuses bad behaviour and encourages egocentrism, to the point where fellow humans are treated like a disposable commodity, used and abused, especially in relationships. 

It takes courage and vulnerability to attempt to recalibrate things back toward kindness. As an empath, I can be like a sponge, absorbing the negative energy of hostility, contempt and micro aggressions around me or directed at me. It’s toxic and it makes a porous empath sick. 

It takes cooperation and a decision from each one of us, to be kind, respectful and considerate of each other’s needs. To reassure there is no danger, there is safety. It’s unacceptable to take away another person’s human rights. When a person violates the boundaries of another, the anger it causes is justified. We all have a right to express our emotions that certain actions or words arouse, without fear of judgement or emotional abuse. 

My story has vulnerability and brokenness, as do every one of us. Brené Brown said people secretly have these qualities, but we place on each other unfair expectations to mask, hide and suppress our true selves and emotions. We’ve seen the outcome of suppressing our true humanity and the negative consequences it has in society. It causes illness, disease, sudden outbursts leading to hate, judgement, violence and death. And the vicious cycle continues. Where and when does it end? 

This suffering has been a journey for me, searching for the answers to my questions, to understand my own pain in this seemingly self-centred and indifferent world. The answer was simple but to understand its simplicity, perhaps I had to go through this journey. Sometimes it was dangerous and frightening, sometimes hopeful and enlightening. Perhaps I had to go through it to understand. We all do, if we have the courage and are open to it.

Moments of struggle shape who we are. That happens when we go through adversity and we’re not being shielded from pain. From this struggle comes courage and hope. I’ve spent a lifetime hoping for peace, joy, love, to be treated with respect and dignity by men, and to have my own family. Family was important to me. I grew up valuing family. But I don’t believe our society values this anymore, and excuses men’s behaviour more than we care to realise. It’s another reason I’m alone and frightened. And terribly wounded and scarred. What made it worse, my personal life was also violated by the manager. My personal grief, hurt, traumas and fears became yet another topic of entertaining malicious gossip. Emotional abuse on top of emotional abuse. And here I am, sharing how all of it made me feel, because it’s time I had my say, on what has been everyone else’s “opinions” on my life. I’m the only one who was denied my right to have a say on matters pertaining to my life : health, career, relationships, family, who I am. 

I’ve tried searching for answers to why so much pain in my life, like I’m fighting battles that keep going nowhere. What I hoped for was simple, but I pray for a miracle, because in this life, that’s what it’s become. I fought for better days ahead, but it’s like hurdles and evil intentions repeatedly get in the way. 

We all have weaknesses, we all have times when we feel vulnerable. But how we treat others, the pain we inflict on others, the trauma and scars, to then excuse it because we’ve suffered as though others have not, that is a choice. We choose to either be kind or be selfish or be abusive or spread gossip or deny another person their rights as long as our own are enforced and our needs are met. Narcissism, indifference, ignorance, arrogance, irrational anger and ego are examples of weakness. Weaknesses like this destroy lives.

These past few years, I’ve had so much fear instilled in me, with too many people refusing to listen and be reasonable. I’ve had “tongue lashings” inflict serious injury on me. Respect, kindness and listening have been devalued in our society. In the case of relationships, many men behave in ways that devalue women. The reality is, men’s emotionally abusive behaviour towards women is still being excused, more than many of us realise. And it’s wrong. 

According to Mensline, anger is a basic human emotion and feeling angry is OK. It is the response to and expression of anger that can cause problems. Expressing anger in abusive or negative ways is unacceptable. It’s important to learn how to manage anger in a way that acknowledges the feeling while not harming anyone else. Anger that leads to shaming, cruel words, yelling, contempt and then stonewalling are examples of emotional abuse. They cause harm. There’s nothing courageous in that.

The Australian government’s Health Direct website reiterates my own ideas on this issue. Basically, don’t jump to conclusions. Speaking with the other person, to understand a situation, is so important. Emotional abuse has devastating effects on health and wellbeing. It leads to difficulty with trust and relationships and can also cause physical health problems, like high blood pressure. 

The following suggestions from Mensline are so important. If you realise that you’ve been emotionally abusing someone, I implore you to take steps to change this behaviour. 

• The greatest act of courage is acknowledging this behaviour to begin with. Take responsibility for your actions and understand the harm these actions have caused.

• Making a conscious effort to communicate in a way that is respectful and non-threatening is paramount. It includes active listening, compromise and problem-solving. 

• Forgiveness. If we want to be treated with kindness and respect, we must place huge commitment and value in forgiveness. Because we’re all human and we’re all broken and vulnerable. Let’s not suppress our humanity. That’s a great strategy to win the battle against narcissism and indifference.

I’ve been reading a book by Fr. Ivan Petrine, a commentary on the Beatitudes. He said, “If you live a self-centred life, you are going to suffer less; you can surround yourself with a wall of egoism…” (p.108), but for how long will this supposed lack of suffering last? What about those left suffering the carnage caused by this egoism? Fr. Petrine goes on to say, “Of course, one can choose to live that way. But in doing so, you would deprive yourself of the profound joy of loving…of giving life, of seeing that reality can change with your contribution. In other words, you may suffer less, but you will also enjoy less, love less, and experience the sadness that egoists suffer sooner or later in life.” (p.109, in Petrine, I. (2018), The Good sense of Jesus: A commentary on the Beatitudes. Charlotte, NC: TAN books).

Wise words. 

Kindness matters. Treat others as you want (and expect) to be treated. It’s that simple. 

Part 5 - Bullying, discrimination and harassment - the initial complaint

Finally, the last part of the initial complaint. This was horrible enough. The thriller to come was at a whole new surreal level. And all I asked for was a safe work environment: 

28. In March, 2019, we were informed by email that one of our colleagues in another unit, had suddenly passed away. It was a shock. He was a young man. Given my personal experience of suicide, I was hoping it wasn’t this. He was a son, brother, friend and colleague. Staff on campus were gathering in the student centre, for support. The manager told me to go there, but later criticised me for not searching for one of our colleagues, who ran out of the library in a state of shock. She was good friends with this young man and they had studied together. Firstly, I actually did look in every room I could find on the way to the student centre. Secondly, the campus minister kept calling my colleague’s mobile. Thirdly, my two other colleagues did go searching. Since the other two colleagues were already searching further across campus, exactly what did the manager expect from me? It was hard enough to know that we lost yet another beautiful person to this crisis and here she was messing with my head. How could I not feel distressed, when the manager targeted me in times of my own trauma trigger? 

29.  In April that year, I commenced a two-month secondment at another campus. The manager didn’t always understand the amount of work involved in projects, like compiling research impact reports or putting together the online resources for higher degree research students. Wherever I went, the manager’s micromanagement followed, suffocating and harassing me. The insults went further, as gratitude for the projects I initiated, namely, the one for higher degree research students. I witnessed the struggle they experienced with research, reference and data management tools and other skills, as they progressed through their doctorate degrees. Seriously, readers, to inform my counterpart on this campus, that I must spend half a day a week on this project, as though I had no concept of time management and delivering my work by a realistic deadline, it was disgraceful and disrespectful. I thank my colleague for ignoring this bs. This manager, who was the cause of all this mess, dared to now insult me on time management on a project I was passionate about? Did she not know me for 18 years? 

I noticed, while on this campus, that my colleagues who were on a certain faculty working group, didn’t always understand instructions or information emailed to them by this manager. She was the facilitator. I let her know, and the reply was, “I can’t understand why”. Perhaps asking those that reported to her, for honest feedback, was a way to understand why. 

30. During those couple of months, I observed how this unit, this sub-culture, functioned. Even though I was sent there under demeaning circumstances, I was grateful for a chance to get to know my colleagues better. Much communication is lost via technology. It’s necessary in the way we work, but human interaction is still the best mode for enhancing interpersonal relations. There needs to be a element of this, even if initially, for rapport building. It could even be a small win in defeating the disease of indifference. Having conversations with the team, I was sad (but not surprised) to learn of issues some had with members of my team. Refer to part 3 of this complaint of my own, and how difficult it was for me to manage the unmanageable (caused mostly by the manager, who dared to call that behaviour a “strong” personality. Defiance, disrespect and bullying is not “strong”. How some justify the unjustifiable). Everyone has a right to feel respected and valued in the workplace, with opportunities to contribute to the team. Had there been autonomy, flexibility and breathing space to do my job, I would work with my fellow SLCs, to provide opportunities to contribute as part of a cohesive team. 

31. Just before finishing the secondment, we had an online working group meeting. The previous meeting had taken place over three months before, and by now, I was cognitively overloaded, overworked, severely bullied, discriminated and harassed, and to put it plainly, really pissed off at a manager who obviously respected nothing of my work for the last 18 years. There was an action for me in the minutes, the wording was confusing, so I wasn’t sure what this action was referring to. Whatever action it was, in front of my colleagues, the manager chose to humiliate me, asking if I could have it done before I go on leave. Never mind finalising a research impact report and HDR project, with two days left to do so. 

But then the undermining continued as she asked two of my colleagues to do it instead. Guess what, everyone? I had already actioned this item, the day after the previous meeting that took place three months before! Other colleagues had remembered that this was already done, because I was on the cusp of burn out and trauma from so much toxic and psychological abuse. I WAS burnt out! My gratitude to a colleague who went back and retrieved that email with the attachment. I circulated it right then and there to all. 

I was angry. When the meeting ended, I went outside for fresh air, as my colleague, who retrieved the actioned item said “That was an attack!” and told the other staff what happened. Two colleagues at this campus witnessed this. It was very obvious how I was being treated. I tried to raise this inappropriate behaviour in the meeting on 1st July 2019, but the manager got defensive and continued to “should” me. No apology, no remorse. Just continued attack. I actually avoided her calls the day after that meeting, my last day at the other campus, because that manager depended on me for the quality of my work but didn’t hesitate to treat me in such a patronising & demeaning way. I put it down to insecurity. But I suffered greatly from those who were truly unfit to manage. 

32. On 1 July 2019, I returned to my substantive position. Yet again, from day one, another creepy meeting with the manager and the one up. They didn’t even bother to inform me they had organised a meeting. It was a ping on our shared calendar. I had only been back for two hours that morning. But now I was really demoralised, burnt out and pissed off. 

So here we go, the day before I snapped. During this meeting, the manager criticised my Library Engagement Data. I was greatly offended that this manager used LED statistics as some form of competition to show others were doing more than me. I finally couldn’t tolerate anymore. I always feared this data would be misused and it was proven in that meeting. Considering management is more about quality than quantity and only a portion of my time was engaging with clients in the Schools assigned to me, I was so angry to be targeted like this, having the goal post constantly moved and be expected to do two full time jobs for the price of one! 

Constant criticism, not constructive feedback, mostly trivial complaints and usually so vague. I would ask questions to clarify and the manager had no idea how to reply. Then why was it even brought up? The more she pushed with vague and unrealistic expectations, obviously the less I could function in my work.

In this meeting, I was still trying to understand how the manager defined “content creation”. How could I be criticised about something where I had not received clarity, to understand? By now, I had also reached my limit with the “strong” personality, worn out from trivial “second hand” whinging to the manager, bypassing me who was her manager. My manager needed to be professional and let me manage my team. I worked in an open office and there were online meetings to participate in. The “strong” personality sat behind me, and was very loud, when I was about to unmute my mic to speak. I turned around and just made a gesture to be quiet. No shooshing sound, a polite gesture to impolite chatting. “It wasn’t nice to shoosh someone”, the manager said to me on 1st July. 

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

She had driven me insane. I made no shooshing sound, but I assume I’m expected to work and present in an online meeting with inconsiderate noise distracting me, be focused, not make mistakes, not go crazy and be productive. Is it fair? That member of my team never came to me with her complaint. Why? I was not tolerating my authority being constantly undermined anymore.

33. And so we come to that morning on 2 July 2019. I was seriously suffering from distress and extreme fatigue. I called the staff campus minister and told her I was unable to continue working with this manager under such toxic conditions. I had kept quiet about it and tolerated it for a long time, hoping it would get better, but it took a massive toll on my health. At 7:30am that morning, after crying profusely all night, frightened about my fate, given the reality of unethical governance and serious misconduct and gross negligence of senior executive leaders, I walked in looking like I was bashed. I was emotionally bashed, and I was going to be emotionally bashed a great deal more. It was the only area of my life that was secure and stable. And I was really scared. This manager destroyed my health, wellbeing, safety and stability. Hence I finally said, “You’re my problem”, to which the reply was, “This is bullying, I’m human too.” Textbook narcissism. And everyone must think I’m an alien. Not human. 

This was, therefore, a classic case of workplace bullying. What I needed to do my job were clear and realistic expectations and workload, support, respect, dignity as per organisational mission, and to be trusted to do my job with the autonomy and flexibility to apply the style I am naturally aligned to. Most importantly, I needed two-way communication, including active listening. 

Whatever this “expectation” was, it was not my management style and it was never good management practice anyway. It was discrimination, harassment, bullying and against WHS law. My morale and health was affected by the manager. That, in turn, was what affected my work. Nothing else, other than poor management practices especially from executives who then neglected to manage the issue professionally, respectfully and efficiently, as per policies. They chose aggression and offences punishable by law. 

My own dad, my observant and wise father, had worried this would happen. He worried I would add value and increase the profile through my work, that was of great benefit to the manager, and I would suffer the consequences for it in the end. The disrespect and violation of the mission, staff code of conduct, ethics, compliance of regulations and laws, offences and poor governance, lies elsewhere. 

It took years of systemic abuse and greater trauma to finally be heard and for my volume of evidence to be used to conduct an investigation. This complaint was only the beginning of what is nothing less than psychological violence.

Can I get a respectful and transparent update, SafeWork NSW and SIRA NSW? 

In memory of my dad, I was never going to give up the good fight. It’s time for real systemic reform and to challenge the status quo. 

Shallcross, L., Ramsay, S., & Barker, M. (2011) ‘The power of malicious gossip’. Australian Journal of Communication, 38(1), pp. 45-68. https://eprints.qut.edu.au/50755/ 

Lufkin, B. (2022, 21 May). ‘The quiet threat of ‘covert’ narcissists in the workplace.’ BBC. Online: https://bbc.com/worklife/article/20220518-the-quiet-threat-of-covert-narcissists-in-the-workplace

In memory of Daniel - a legacy of kindness and compassion:

https://danielognenovski.wordpress.com 

https://danielognenovski96.wordpress.com

Part 4 - Bullying, discrimination and harassment - the initial complaint

Dignity and respect in the workplace is a WHS right

I’m really struggling but I push on with sharing the initial complaint:

18. A year and a half into this new restructure, I continued to suffer from stress, fatigue and impaired cognitive functioning due to workplace difficulties. The manager continued to undermine and criticise me unfairly during weekly meetings on Fridays. 

19. Here is an example of what happened in one of those dreaded weekly meetings. The manager called me “self-absorbed”, again, which she had repeated over the course of many months. I was given no valid reason for why she kept saying this. I was miserable and severely exhausted and overworked, expecting to be things beyond my job description and what was unethical intrusion in the personal matters of my team. 

In this meeting, my frustration reached the upper limits. I replied “no I’m not”. But she continued to repeat this term, while I became a broken record right back with “no, I’m not.” I reached the point of using my firm teacher trained voice, raised in the way teachers do to manage a classroom of primary school kids, and I said, yet again, “no, I’m not.” As soon as she provoked me to this point, and I found myself having to raise my voice, the manager switched on that martyr complex, with the victim voice, “don’t yell at me.” I was not yelling. But I was pushed in such horrendous emotional torture, I finally said, “That’s it! Take the job back! Management isn’t for everyone. It’s not worth the money!” She now responded in the faux empathy tone, words to the effect of, “You really didn’t like this role, did you?” Gaslighting! The job was fine. Dealing with her emotionally abusive behaviour was not fine. I was stunned with this psychological manipulation. Her conduct in this meeting really distressed me. 

I felt unsupported and demoralised. I attempted healthy boundaries to protect myself, and now I was accused of being “self-absorbed”. I supported staff as much as I could, but it was in the best interest of staff to take the time off when they needed to seek professional support, if that’s what was meant by such a derogatory label (however I had no say in granting leave to my team when they needed it - predictably, the manager denied she was a micromanager when I raised this, the day before I finally snapped). What the manager was doing was not care. It was an intrusion and a violation of boundaries. It was harassment. Personal information that may be divulged was then at risk of being used in gossip and malicious rumours. It was bullying, discrimination and harassment. It was a serious breach of staff privacy. That was not going to become my way of “managing”. But I paid the price for being ethical. 

I wanted to acknowledge, support and encourage staff. I was tired of listening to complaints that would only be avoided if I could read the manager’s mind. When I was pushed so much that I stepped down, a manager on another campus commented to my manager that the reason why I must have done so is because of unmanageable staff on my team. She was correct regarding the individual bullying me up, but what this campus manager speculated, was not the real reason I stepped down. Predictably, though, I was accused of having spoken to this truly lovely manager, by my manager. No, I hadn’t. People had their own experiences, frustrations and traumas. The unmanageable and poor conduct was not only toward me. However, it did raise an important question. Who did I have, in the end, to confidentially vent my frustrations and concerns, when this manager chose never to let me speak? Who was ethical, when gossip, any tidbit, would circulate, with embellishments of more false rumours? This exacerbated the toxic environment. It was a great cause of the PSYCHOSOCIAL HAZARDS NEVER MANAGED. People’s lives and personal traumas are not entertainment. Gossip is bullying. It’s emotional abuse.

20. An Expression Of Interest (‘EOI’) to be seconded to my SLC position was emailed to all Senior Librarians, but nobody applied for my role. I wonder why.

21. This is traumatic for me to share, but I must, given my own personal experience and the serious misconduct, ongoing emotional abuse and gaslighting from the manager. A student attempted self-harm in our building. The first aid officers in our unit were called, and once the incident was identified as an emergency, the ambulance was called. They had notified the manager, as was the protocol. How could she expect me to know, like a mind reader, what happened? The first report that was communicated was a fall in the stairway, with perhaps a physical injury. The information was fragmented. We had never experienced an incident like this before. 

The trauma for me was being excluded, by this manager, from the debrief. That was an important part of the process, to understand exactly what happened, how the first aid officers felt, as one was from my team, and to reflect and think about what we needed to put in place to improve the response, what worked etc. I was excluded from all of this and yet I was expected to just know what happened and how the staff felt. I can’t begin to describe how this manager made me feel. However, when I asked her why I wasn’t part of the debrief, the predictable defensive abrupt response silenced me. She had already distressed me. How dare she, when I was NOT directly informed. WAS SHE COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS TO THE FACT THAT I HAD PERSONALLY EXPERIENCED A SUICIDE IN MY FAMILY AND THAT SUICIDE PREVENTION WAS A CAUSE DEAR TO MY HEART? 

I had a lack of information, resources and support and I’m supposed to be brilliant at management from the first day. I was set up to fail. It was important for me to attend the debrief to understand what had occurred, and how the incident was managed. I was shaken up by the defensive and abrupt attitude, again, along with a failure to provide me with a reason why I had been excluded. Impossible not only to communicate with such personality types, but to work with them. IMPOSSIBLE. But I had to tolerate it, despite the serious toll it had taken on my health, because the organisational culture had deteriorated, a lot. 

22. Here is another example of being expected to be a mind reader, and yet again, having my authority undermined and criticised unfairly. Marketing had organsied a photo shoot. I had previous frustrations with this unit. I’d given feedback at the previous photo shoot regarding how disorganised the project was, causing inconvenience to staff and students. Those frustrations were directed at our unit. I diplomatically corresponded with students who felt “hilariously frustrated”, to quote one description I’ve never forgotten, at the constant emails from marketing, correcting errors in dates and times of certain photo shoots. It didn’t seem as though my feedback had been taken into account. 

The new photo shoot, was, again, disorganised. When the marketing team showed up, it wasn’t at the agreed time. The SL they had been communicating with wasn’t there and I didn’t know what had been arranged. Had they communicated with me, I would have directed them to the collaborative floor and not the independent quiet study floor, where they went that early morning, without my knowledge. One student on that level sent an email to the service desk, complaining that they were trying to study and annoyed at the sudden noise and flashing of lights and cameras. From my point of view, credit to the student for this evidence in writing. I thought this was a good thing. After handling the situation, I sent all correspondence to the manager, who arrived later, evidence that was useful to send on to marketing. But according to her, I should have spoken with the marketing team (actually she expected me to chase after them out the door as they were leaving, let’s talk seriously unprofessional expectations and ridiculous criticisms). I thought I handled the situation well considering I did try numerous times to communicate with marketing in the past. I was humiliated and demeaned anyway, because it wasn’t this manager’s “way”. But there was no point in raising this privately given the pattern of defensive retaliation that added to my stress. I had been repeatedly humiliated over trivial issues like this.

23. Close to the end of  2018, I met with the manager, yet again. Sadly, the newly appointed executive, whom this manager directly reported to, was not fit to do the inherent requirements of her job. They teamed up together. These meetings felt creepy to me. This is too traumatic to relive, but I must write something about it, in a separate post. It is bullying, discrimination and harassment at its worst. Or so I thought, until senior executives joined in the sadistic persecution. Zero tolerance as per policies and what’s conveyed to the community or WHS reckless and wilful misconduct to cause harm? 

24. That same month, I needed to take a day of leave to care for a family member. One day carer’s leave turned into another distressing nightmare. My priority and duty of care was to myself and my family’s health and wellbeing. That’s also in policies like WHS, Discrimination and Harassment, and work-life balance. I had the same leave entitlements these perpetrators of discrimination and harassment did, and I was not going to put my family’s wellbeing and health at risk. Several of us had to tolerate this serious misconduct, even at such times. I notified that manager that I needed to take a day of carer’s leave. ONE DAY.

The insensitive attitude went into full swing again. This blog is focused on the serious misconduct and breaches of multiple laws, including privacy, from managers, executives and senior executives within an organisation, with a mission that includes a “commitment to the dignity of the human person.” I was distressed by the pressure to return to the workplace, even for that afternoon, while I had a duty of care to my family.

I would also be reminded about my obligation to the university. This was not only unethical, but a serious lack of duty of care, risking the safety and wellbeing not only of her staff, but their families too. I was extremely angry. I had to speak with a doctor and there was no set time for this. That manager wanted “updates”. It’s privacy violation and harassment! 

I was expected to race to one of those creepy meetings with her new recruit in malicious gossip and privacy violations (see point 23) that afternoon, putting my health and safety at risk too. A meeting that could be postponed. Meetings that should not have been happening at all. I wouldn’t have been in a good state either. The intrusion and relentless harassment, causing another day of distress, was also felt by my family. Then I’d be labeled as “ill” by this manager. Can the reader identify the gaslighting pattern? 

25. Late January 2019, as soon as the manager returned after annual leave, the criticism began. As I said, it was relentless. I had arranged a meeting to update the manager on work-related projects and tasks. I couldn’t speak about these items because the manager dived into vague criticism straight away. The manager was the one who requested that I delegate a task to an assistant that was not part of my team, but had requested to assist with projects as part of her learning. I was thrilled with this. 

Yet again, I left this meeting emotionally exhausted and demoralised. From the moment she got back to work in a new year! She never explained to me what her vague criticism of “content creation” meant. That was subject to interpretation. Typing a sentence on a blank Word document is content creation! I told her that this project was simple and it involved using a program (ie. Word) that the assistant was already familiar with and used. She was a high achieving university graduate for goodness sake’s. 

26. Early February 2019, a second EOI was emailed to SLs, for a secondment to my SLC position. Again, nobody applied. Readers, would you apply, if you had personally experienced this treatment or were witnessing this behaviour? 

27. In February 2019, now two years into the restructure, I was medicated for high blood pressure and cholesterol. The dose for high blood pressure would be further increased later. But the senior executives in HR and WHS were employed cause a risk of heart attack or stroke, rather than actually conduct a risk assessment, comply with policies and WHS regulations. They don’t even attempt to manage psychosocial hazards. They became the biggest cause of this hazard. 

Writing this post has been traumatic and I still haven’t finished. Final part to come.

Xu, T., Magnusson Hanson, L.L., Lange, T., Starkopf, L., Westerlund, H., Madsen, I.E.H, et. al. (2019). ‘Workplace bullying and workplace violence as risk factors for cardiovascular disease: a multi-cohort study.’ European Heart Journal. 40(14). 1124–1134. Online : https://doi.org/10.1093/eurheartj/ehy683