My personal story - Part 6 - Early childhood and my first exposure to narcissism

“When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose.” ― Brené Brown

I don’t want to go into what I’ve heard Brené Brown call “childhood shit” in a TED Talk. My childhood was generally good, but one can’t ignore the shadow that narcissism casts over an empathic child. 

My earliest memories of narcissism and gaslighting were around the age of five. Of course, in my childhood years, I had no idea that what I was experiencing was gaslighting and the passive aggressive behaviour of a covert narcissist. 

I’ve briefly mentioned this relative in previous posts about what she did (and said), only two days after my dad’s suicide (Eg. see paragraphs 5-7 in the post From the day after the tragedy).

Given the young age of the person who displayed narcissistic characteristics, I was curious to find out if they’re inborn. I used ChatGPT to ask the question. 

It isn’t a topic I want to spend time researching. I copied and pasted the answers to my three questions below. I know the app. searches the web to compile an answer, but I also noticed that there are no references cited. Perhaps that’s my teaching, learning, academic research and professional training coming through. I’m sure there’s been much debate about AI in universities. But I’m too busy trying to save my life, livelihood, career, and assets from grossly negligent regulators and the NSW Chris Minns government in office, to remain current in my own professional development.

Here are the questions, the answers I received and my reflections, based on my childhood memories. 

Question: Is narcissism inborn? 

Answer: No, someone is not born a narcissist in the clinical sense. Narcissistic traits or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) develop over time through a combination of genetic, psychological, and environmental factors. Here’s a breakdown:

1. Genetic predisposition

There may be a hereditary component—some people might be more temperamentally sensitive, emotionally reactive, or inclined toward traits like extroversion or low empathy. But these are risk factors, not guarantees.

2. Early childhood experiences

This is the most influential factor. NPD is often associated with:

• Excessive pampering or excessive criticism

• Neglect, abuse, or inconsistent parenting

• Parents who are overly focused on achievements, appearance, or status

• Lack of secure emotional attachment or validation

3. Social and cultural influences

A culture that emphasises competition, material success, or superficial appearances may encourage narcissistic tendencies, especially if reinforced during formative years.

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Summary:

While temperament might be partly inherited, narcissism is largely shaped, not inborn. It’s a response to environment and early life dynamics, not a predetermined trait at birth.

Reflection: that’s very interesting. The family dynamics showed inconsistent parenting, emotional neglect, lack of secure emotional attachment or validation. My uncle worked hard in the milk bar / take away food shop business he owned. When we look at the basic needs required for a child, there was shelter, clothing, food, school supplies etc. What was missing was fatherly love and affection. My uncle lacked empathy and was emotionally detached. 

What was worse, the love and affection his own children needed, were directed elsewhere (he wasn’t having an affair or had other children of his own with someone else). I won’t delve into this personal memory, but I will say this. Despite my anger and trauma with what my cousin put me through growing up, what harmed both our families, albeit in different ways, was a common denominator: a sociopathic and manipulative aunt. 

Her father was emotionally detached when it came to expressing love toward his children. My father was not emotionally detached. Had my immediate family been left alone as I was growing up, with no manipulative interference from his sociopathic relative (among others tied to her in this behaviour), we were fine. That’s why, my cousin’s behaviour and cruel words only two days after my dad’s suicide, was not only disrespectful, it was inhumane. A covert narcissist preying on people in their most vulnerable moments. My manager, as described in my blog posts, was another prime example of that toxic behaviour. 

As for the inconsistent parenting, her mother’s side of the family had huge egos. Achievements, appearance and status became an obsession that was likely caused by insecurities, fed by being surrounded constantly by huge egos and arrogance. It was all about checking the right boxes, even when it came to finding someone to form a marriage partnership. The right “external” boxes.

It was a recipe for burning bridges, destroying relationships and using words to discourage others from pursuing their own goals, as I came to be on the receiving end of such behaviour and words of discouragement in my life, growing up. Whether it came from a place of jealousy, insecurity or unhealthy competitiveness, I’m not sure. I think it was a combination of all these factors.

I may be stubborn and determined, but the truth is, as a child, you need to be protected until you’re not as impressionable, believing abusive lies. I wasn’t protected, because narcissism and gaslighting are not easily seen and identifiable. For a child trying to communicate this experience, including how it makes them feel, it’s difficult to articulate. I suffered in silence. 

Question: What is a covert narcissist?

Answer: A covert narcissist is someone who has narcissistic traits but expresses them in subtle, insecure, or self-effacing ways, rather than through arrogance or overt grandiosity.

Key Characteristics of Covert Narcissism:

Hypersensitivity to criticism - Easily hurt or offended, especially by perceived slights or rejection.

Insecurity and low self-esteem - Craves validation but may appear self-doubting.

Passive-aggressiveness - Expresses frustration or entitlement indirectly (e.g. sulking, sarcasm, guilt-tripping).

Emotional fragility - Often feels misunderstood, anxious, or depressed.

Envy and resentment - May secretly feel superior but also jealous of others’ success or attention.

Victim mentality - Often presents themselves as wounded, overlooked, or underappreciated.

Grandiosity in fantasy - May believe they are special or destined for greatness but lack the confidence to act on it openly.

How It’s Different from Grandiose Narcissism:

Covert Narcissist

Quiet, withdrawn, sensitive

May appear anxious or depressed

Seeks admiration indirectly

Grandiose Narcissist

Loud, dominant, attention-seeking

Often appears confident and charming

Demands admiration directly

Psychological Origins:

Covert narcissism often arises from early attachment wounds, emotional neglect, or conditional love—where self-worth becomes tied to approval, yet that approval feels impossible to secure.

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Note: covert narcissists often go undetected due to their more subtle presentation.

Reflection: “perceived” slights means having to constantly walk on eggshells, to avoid a sudden passive aggressive attack. It is horrendous to feel hyper vigilant around such covert narcissistic individuals, all … the … time. They are energy vampires. YES to the sulking, sarcasm and guilt-tripping behaviours. I’ve copped them all, including when they are maliciously gossiping about others. No one is “safe” from the tongues of covert narcissists. Nasty behaviour and ENERGY VAMPIRES. 

Regarding psychological origins, see my previous reflection, including the note above that I made bold and red. If we can’t convince people in adulthood, of the emotional harm caused by being on the receiving end of a covert narcissist’s bullying behaviour, what hope does a child have in describing this and being believed?

For a textbook case of a grandiose narcissist, look no further than my local state MP for the electorate of Kogarah, also now the NSW Premier, Chris Minns. He enters my story in October 2021. 

Question: How does a covert narcissist use gaslighting?

Answer: A covert narcissist uses gaslighting in ways that are often subtle, emotionally manipulative, and rooted in insecurity rather than dominance. Unlike overt narcissists who may gaslight through obvious control or aggression, vulnerable narcissists often gaslight through guilt, self-pity, or passive-aggressive tactics. The goal is still the same: to destabilise your reality and maintain emotional control.

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How a Vulnerable Narcissist May Gaslight:

Playing the victim - Example, “I can’t believe you’d accuse me of that. After all I’ve done for you.” Purpose - Makes you question whether you were too harsh or unfair.

Guilt-tripping - eg. “You’re making me feel worse about myself than I already do.” Purpose - Shifts the blame to make you feel responsible for their emotions.

Denial with emotional fragility - “I never said that. You must be imagining things - why would you think I’d hurt you?” (said with sadness or distress). Purpose - Makes you second-guess your memory, but framed as hurt feelings rather than attack.

Passive-aggressive forgetfulness - “Oh, I forgot you told me that. You didn’t make it clear.” Purpose - Undermines your sense of communication or clarity.

Projection through insecurity - “You’re the one who’s selfish - you only care when I’m upset.” Purpose - Turns the accusation back on you to deflect attention from their behavior.

Minimising your feelings - “You’re being too sensitive - why do you always take things the wrong way?” Purpose - Invalidates your experience while appearing gentle or confused.

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Why It’s Effective:

Their fragility makes you feel guilty for pushing back.

They often appear wounded, not abusive, which confuses boundaries.

They can mask manipulation as vulnerability, making it harder to identify the emotional abuse.

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Psychological Effect on the Target:

Chronic self-doubt

Increased emotional caretaking of the narcissist

Suppression of one’s own needs or perspective

Feeling like the “bad guy” in the relationship

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Summary:

A vulnerable narcissist gaslights not through overt control but by weaponising their insecurity, playing the victim, and covertly shifting blame. This can be even more confusing and damaging because it blurs the line between woundedness and manipulation.

Reflection: I’m not going to relive and write examples of my childhood experiences with relatives regarding the above points (they are ALL valid points), but I have posted examples of a covert narcissist’s behaviour in the workplace, and this blog will reveal how destructive covert narcissists can be. (See http://mystory-myvoice.blogspot.com/2024/07/organisational-culture-ethics.html from paragraph 6, http://mystory-myvoice.blogspot.com/2024/07/part-3-bullying-discrimination-and.html, and #19 in http://mystory-myvoice.blogspot.com/2024/07/part-4-bullying-discrimination-and.html). 

The greater responsibility, however, is on organisational WHS, HR and senior leaders, who allow it to fester and cause harm on a massive scale. Then add the gross negligence of regulators like SafeWork NSW and their inspectors and managers, and other government agencies like SIRA NSW, FWO, IRO, the NSW Department of Customer Service generally, and if you’re really unlucky, a grandiose narcissist as your local MP, who exploits you for his own political interests and ambitions, Chris Minns.

I was one woman putting up with, pushing and fighting back this shit on a massive scale. It needs to be written. My story needs to be told. As I’m finding out, it’s a similar (and sometimes the same) story of many good people in Australia. 

Me as a spirited toddler

As for overt (or grandiose) narcissists, it seems to have become a “normalised” trait in our society, especially in men. Again, I can only speak from my own direct personal experience. Is not overt narcissistic behaviour, that harms women in dating and relationships, an example of toxic masculinity? 

The photo above is of me as a toddler, before my memories of narcissistic abuse. My mum has told me that I would dance in my pram as a tiny tot. People would say to my mum that I’ll likely be snatched up early in my life. Not only did that not happen, men have treated me so badly and selfishly, this little girl has now stopped dancing. 

I share a TED Talk on the power of vulnerability by Brené Brown:

The Power of Vulnerability

Does the National Tertiary Education Union value its members? - August 2020

On 13 August 2020, as a member of the National Tertiary Education Union (NTEU), I received an invitation to an NTEU Zoom meeting regarding union activism and upcoming enterprise bargaining. 

To quote from the invitation:

“This is an opportunity to talk about what sort of university we want and to consider the sorts of activities we can do to together as a union to build it.”

On 20 August 2020, I joined and attended. I felt part of my workplace again, before R. Christmann coerced the NTEU to collude in mobbing, fraud, negligence, policy breaches and psychological violence against me as a member. 

The online NTEU meeting was my first contact with colleagues in over one year. 

Prior to the online meeting, I emailed the branch organiser, providing my input to some of the questions. Given my records proving the use of prohibited workplace surveillance of my personal email accounts when communicating to my union reps, I suspect R. Christmann accessed and viewed the detailed input I provided to another union rep. She already knew I was a union member from the factual investigation report, strictly confidential for Catholic Church Insurance, who willingly violated privacy laws and gave access to the worst perpetrator detailed in my report.

My email to the NTEU branch organiser:

What sort of university I want to see.

In sharing my ideas of the [university] I want to see again (at least in terms of the integrity it once had), I'm going to share my story of what I've been put through and what I'm still, to a degree, going through, that I don’t want any employee to ever experience from [the university] again. The announcement of a new VC is … very timely. To quote from a speech by the Hon. Alfred Kingon at a Catholic conference in 1992 (he was the US Ambassador to the European Union during the Reagan Presidency), "there are no accidents in the universe" (see https://youtu.be/otvkfQcn3l0?si=FUFi2gUv3Uou_JQG&t=420).

I have been committed as an employee to [the university] for almost 20 years. In July 2019, for the first time, I needed to ask for support from the organisation to resolve an issue causing risk to my health and safety. It was a legal obligation for the university to follow established policies and procedures to ensure a safe work environment. They not only failed to do this, they breached a number of WHS and other laws.

To quote from the Guide for preventing and responding to workplace bullying by Safe Work Australia, “The WHS Act prohibits a person from engaging in ‘discriminatory conduct’ for a ‘prohibited reason’. Eg. it’s unlawful for a person to terminate the employment of a worker for raising health and safety concerns or performing legitimate safety-related functions in relation to their workplace” (SafeWork Australia, 2016, p.7). I escalated a workplace issue after I attempted multiple times to resolve it with my manager. I tried to communicate and reason with her. It was a toxic, distressing and unsafe environment for staff in that workspace. It was a risk to the health and safety of staff and it had to stop. From 2017, with a poorly implemented restructure, I was without support and guidance and left exposed to workplace bullying, even being pressured to manage my team in the same unethical way regarding health and safety. I stand my ground for what is right and for the “commitment to the dignity of the human person.” If I recall, that is still in the mission statement. I went to my manager's manager, who failed in duty of care too, who then referred me to a human resources officer. The bullying was then escalated by the HR unit to a whole new frightening level. I felt like a soccer ball being kicked around.

I think it is fair and reasonable that the university finally meet their legal obligation and duty of care toward me by cooperating, collaborating and respectfully communicating with support to my return to work…The more they commit to cooperating with myself and my trusted health professionals, the sooner full recovery is likely to happen. I am a human being and won't allow anyone at [the university] that are "qualified" in WHS laws and should have known better, make any more attempt to write me off.

“Workplace bullying should always be reported. If you believe you are experiencing or witnessing workplace bullying, you should report it as early as possible. Your employer cannot address the problem if they do not know about it” (SafeWork Australia, 2016). I did report it and HR executives made every attempt to cause me serious harm. They encourage workplace bullying, and therefore, are violating a number of employment laws. The future VC seriously needs to review toxic environments, starting with the HR unit, and unsafe work practices being encouraged that put good staff at risk. They are a liability risk for him. He will not succeed with executive staff like that if their unconscionable conduct continues.

Enterprise bargaining is coming up.

Clauses in the Enterprise Agreement that are used as a loophole by HR managers to continue victimising, threatening, bullying, discriminating and relentlessly harassing to break and destroy an employee need to be removed. Unfortunately for them regarding my case, all they did was shoot themselves in the foot so many times, giving me all the records I need as evidence of the sick game they chose to play. I don’t want this to happen to anyone ever again. Submitting a general protections application with the Fair Work Commission for the adverse action taken against me is now a given. Will the Union support me with this action? 

(NOTE: No, the NTEU don’t care. This was now under workers compensation regulations. Had they cared about their members, they would provide information about employee legal entitlements, not agree to mob them and withhold information members have a right to be informed of. The NTEU does not value its professional members. The NTEU causes harm to its members by agreeing to omit information to disadvantage them, and support the HR perpetrators committing fraud as wage theft). 

HR managers also violated my privacy in multiple examples of adverse action taken against me for enforcing an employee right to a safe work environment free from bullying, harassment and discrimination…

This university had a duty regarding my grievance, to exercise due diligence to ensure they met their WHS obligations. I was the only one trying to reasonably resolve this issue for a sustainable and fair outcome. From their end, I was victimised, harassed and discriminated against. What I needed to do my work safely was reasonable and an employee right, as well as a human right (especially regarding the deliberate isolation and marginalisation for over one year). I’ve shown a degree of resilience to survive for such a prolonged length of time. But I am traumatised, broken and humiliated. The organisation is in breach of their employment contract with me and in breach of a number of other laws.

We have a change of university leadership.

…When I started working for [the university], I loved it because I aligned to its mission and values. I still do, and they still exist, but unfortunately, only as false advertising to the community. What I'd like to see is the integrity of [the university] to be restored, because, sadly, it's been lost over the last decade. What kind of qualities does the new VC want in his leaders and managers? What kind of employees does he want to attract? Let's be honest, at the moment, it's not an employer of choice anymore. For [the university] to become one again, attracting the "right" people that will support the VC's vision and be committed to the mission and values, because it's a way of life, must happen. What action is needed for people to feel safe to communicate concerns and issues, to resolve something quickly for a positive outcome and prevention of future liability and reputational damage to the organisation? The VC's vision has a greater chance of being realised by having the right team supporting him. He is not a one man show.

To refer to my example again, the worst unreasonable behaviour and serious misconduct was modelled by HR managers, including victimising, humiliating, intimidating & covertly threatening discipline without grounds for such action. HR managers had a legal obligation to support me in resolving my grievance. "Effective leaders model their organisation’s values and standards for workplace behaviour through their own conduct” (SafeWork Australia, 2016, Guide for preventing...p. 12). The message from leaders is a contradiction to the brand and image presented by [the university] to the wider community, especially promotion that they’re an employer of choice. Many workers have witnessed, via my case alone, that the organisation is not serious about preventing workplace bullying and choose to perpetuate the problem, leading to a negative workplace culture where unreasonable behaviour is tolerated. It is unacceptable.

Being a legal requirement, what has been inflicted upon me was not only unethical, negligent and unprofessional conduct, it was very immoral. I was harassed and discriminated against in times of serious adversity in my personal life, including my father’s suicide, which I never reported (and you can see why). It also happened at times when I needed to care for my health or a family member’s. It was no less and no more than what we, as human beings, experience at some point in our lives. I was under the impression that is why leave entitlements exist. I received no compassion, support and care, including any reasonable accommodation of duties at a tragic time, to support my healing and ease me back into work.

Due to constant and relentless work-related stress that was further exacerbated by HR managers, I now suffer psychological and physical injuries (ie. hypertension diagnosis). My work-related stress started in mid-January 2017. I was exposed to serious psychosocial hazards. In my case and with evidence, there are examples of poor support, poor workplace relationships, low role clarity, poor organisational change management, low recognition and reward and poor organisational justice. The combination of these issues increased the severity of the harm I now suffer. What will the new VC do to identify and address dysfunctional and toxic environments due to incompetent or bad behaviour of leaders / managers that have resulted in serious unsafe work practices and environments? Eg. Training, counseling, disciplinary action including possible termination for serious misconduct and engaging in risk assessment to identify and address these potential hazards?

What I want to see from our union.

The university breached WHS laws ... I’ve kept complete records, which is evidence of everything I’ve been put through for more than a year by HR alone. Will the union be able to support me in this process?

Only recently, when I demanded the harassment to stop, and only after I applied for WorkCover, has recovery started regarding my health and wellbeing. I exhausted every strategy I could think of for a reasonable outcome. Intervention, as soon as I reported the issue, was a legal requirement. HR did not comply with the law. Furthermore, a workplace culture and procedures that supports staff disclosing if they are feeling ‘overwhelmed' is a duty of care to staff by the employer. It would have prevented me developing a psychological injury and finally having to apply for workers compensation (they even bullied me to use all my personal leave and kept reminding me, through an employment lawyer, how much annual leave and long service leave I had left. Translation: "Use up all your entitlements and get lost." I will not get lost after [the university] reaped the benefits of my service excellence (and what that service excellence is, you can ask the recipients themselves). Service excellence, for almost two decades, to then be thanked by stripping me of everything, including my dignity, and attempting to throw me in the trash. I'm not trash and I won't tolerate being treated like I am. I never did and never will treat anyone like this.

In a “dispute resolution”, a calculated plan was used to cause me harm. It did cause me serious harm, but the violation of my privacy implicated a family member in my work-related issue. HR managers accessed communication without my knowledge and permission from a neutral staff member... It was irrelevant to the work issue. This violation angered my family (rightly so), so they decided to make a formal complaint regarding the serious harassment they tolerated in their home and due to malicious rumours from my manager (the initial bully). This became worse due to hostile comments overheard by them through the phone, when I called to talk with her manager, and finally, to seal the deal, the privacy violation in a meeting with HR managers. I didn't agree, in the employment contract, to play strategic war games. I wanted to do my job with dignity in a safe work environment. This would have been positive for other staff also suffering in a toxic and dysfunctional work environment. It’s our employee right.

They violated a serious private health matter on top of discriminating against me for daring to care temporarily for my immediate family at that time. HR proved they exploited every possible vulnerability I felt at that time to character assassinate me… Also, my family are not employees governed by an Enterprise Agreement… Emails to my family have been extremely vile, out of line and disgraceful, especially from the HR director. To an alumnus. They don’t apply the staff code of conduct at all. The best form of advertising is word of mouth regarding student experience, based on the future VC's vision and outcomes. But he needs the right staff and then he needs to take care of the staff. I think he needs to start now with my case.

…HR managers are worse than the initial issue, in handling my family's complaint, as members of the public who have tolerated more than enough serious misconduct by managers representing [the university]. And I am certain, while I have been forced into solitary confinement like the worst criminal offender in Australia, the initial bully has been slandering me and my family with more malicious rumours. I need to know what is going on. Will someone help me, because the biggest heartbreak for me has been the feeling of abandonment from my colleagues... I cared about, supported and inspired them for two decades. Where are they? Bullied into silence all this time as well? I have been told that Professor Skrbis is to be the decision maker once the independent investigation report is submitted. It’s been three months to date and I have received no updates.

This entire experience has been as traumatic as losing my father to suicide, including all the attitude and stigma we were subjected to on top of our shock and pain at that time. I have given almost two decades of excellent service to [the university]. They took so much and did not show respectful compassion, care or made temporary reasonable adjustments even when this sudden tragedy occurred. 

…I have applied for more leave while waiting for a decision from the insurer (I'm feeling anxious, because I really am running out of leave, how am I going to financially support myself when I have a job and gave my all to it - I expect all the leave I was deliberately forced to take to be re-credited back)... Everyone made zero effort to support and care for me.

Given a change of leadership, I expect improvements to repair the integrity this university has sadly lost. Otherwise what they market in the community is false advertising and misleading. I read the announcement... To quote Professor Skrbis in this announcement, “I am committed to providing [the university] with leadership that is grounded in the Catholic intellectual tradition and predicated on a strong commitment to excellence, enterprise, and empathy. My ambition is that we evolve as a dynamic and innovative university, while being globally recognised as an institution that adheres to its strong Catholic principles and makes a tangible improvement to the lives of others through excellence in education, research, and community engagement.” His appointment as VC begins in January 2021. If he is committed to delivering on this statement, I hope it can start now with my case. I’ve been committed to such principles for almost 20 years. Why was this not reciprocated and instead, why was I treated with such inhumanity?

Concluding comments.

I worked hard to build relationships with my clients and colleagues and make a contribution of excellent service aligned to the university’s mission and values. I live by the staff code of conduct. The disrespect and injustice I’ve experienced, even denying my human rights by deliberately isolating me like a criminal in solitary confinement, has been a form of cruelty I never thought possible from a university that promotes the extreme opposite in the community. I won’t be thanked in such an immoral way from a university “committed to the dignity of the human person” after two decades of quality service. Most likely my case is not a one-off occurrence, but potentially one of the more serious examples of negligence and safety breaches.

The university (or rather, the HR executive managers who supposedly represent [the university], which they don't - staff like me are the true representatives), failed on every point as outlined in the table of SafeWork Australia’s Guide for preventing and responding to workplace bullying, regarding how the organisation should have responded (2016, p.19). Listed in the table were all the reasonable steps that I had asked for. I have kept records and compiled evidence of this entire unsafe and distressing situation I found myself in.

I expect the university will stop causing me and my family members any more distress by cooperating…Can a union representative help me get somewhere with this issue too? The person that supposedly is the only one I can contact is the National manager of Employee Relations and Safety, the very person who breached a number of privacy and discrimination laws, harassed and victimised me and caused extended health, safety and wellbeing risks to my family by implicating them in a work-related issue. She has displayed serious misconduct. Does Professor Skrbis know this?…The incompetence, negligence and unprofessionalism that three HR executives displayed is a disgraceful example of bad behaviour and misconduct…Having now been through an investigation process for the WorkCover claim, I'm aware of the process regarding external investigations…

I need communication with someone truly impartial where I feel safe to ask questions about the investigation process. I need to know it will be conducted in a fair, objective and timely way (it’s been around three months already, does anyone consider this to be timely?). To date, the following has not happened (REMINDER NOTE: and given an investigation for CCI now under workers compensation regulations was submitted to the insurer on 9 June 2020, it did not need to happen. But no one informed me of this in my traumatised, cognitively overloaded state): 

• who is conducting the investigation (this is the only detail I know. It is Q Solutions and that Professor Skrbis is the decision-maker)

• conflicts of interest—these should be declared before the investigation proceeds (there has been no communication or transparency in anything I’ve attempted in this entire case. I don’t trust the HR executive managers) 

NOTE: and rightly so that I didn’t trust them. Conflict of interest (or rather, collusion), will soon be proven.

• obligations including of the investigator regarding confidentiality (NOTE: yeah right…they violated my privacy here too).

• the expected timeframes of the investigation

• how the issue will be investigated e.g. interviews with the parties and witnesses or viewing documentary evidence (they have not asked to interview me and the particulars of the complaint have no staff names identified – I had no idea how to write the report given no one supported me. I asked for an edited version that included names of staff to be forwarded to the investigator. The employee relations and safety manager refused. This version is in my compilation of documents).

(NOTE: I still hadn’t received the “report”, so I had no idea that Catholic Church Insurance breached the Australian Privacy Principles and gave access to the factual investigation report already done for them, with names of staff included). 

• who will receive copies of statements and records of interviews (if obtained)

• what support mechanisms will be in place (NOTE: answer is NO SUPPORT MECHANISMS) and

• possible outcomes

Who are Q Solutions and why has there been no attempt to provide me with updates by an impartial and truly professional staff member? If I’m subjected to any of the three HR executives anymore, I’ll have to submit an order to stop bullying and harassment via the FWC. 

(NOTE: thank goodness I didn’t. I’d be subjected to more abuse, this time on public record. See my post http://mystory-myvoice.blogspot.com/2025/05/the-unfair-work-commission-denying.html).

And finally, in this meeting or later, can I find out if anyone at [the university], … truly cares and will provide me with some support? I need validation that someone is going to listen, treat me like a valuable human being above anything, and show compassion. I may be a little more resilient than other people but I'm human too and feel broken, traumatised and sickened to my very core with every unethical and immoral attempt used by HR managers to cause me harm. They didn’t succeed, thank God. I have a right to safely return to my work. The organisation needs to comply and cooperate because it was a legal requirement to have done this from the start. How will they put together the broken pieces, caused mostly by the three HR executives beyond the initial complaint, to make me whole again?

Now that I demanded the harassment to stop, I already feel safer and my cognitive clarity is improving. I need to return to work and for 2021 to be a fresh start and better year for me too. It hasn't been from January 2017, as soon as I started a new role I earned on merit. It's not right or just for me to be punished for the crimes of others or, at best, because of a string of mistakes linked to a poorly implemented restructure.

I've read the following three documents (I referred to these in my message):

SafeWork Australia (2016). ‘Dealing with workplace bullying: A worker’s guide’. Retrieved from https://www.safeworkaustralia.gov.au/doc/dealing-workplace-bullying-workers-guide

SafeWork Australia. (2016). ‘Guide for preventing and responding to workplace bullying’. Retrieved from https://www.safeworkaustralia.gov.au/doc/guide-preventing-and-responding-workplace-bullying 

SafeWork Australia (2019). ‘National guidance material, work-related psychological health and safety: A systematic approach to meeting your duties’. Retrieved from https://www.safeworkaustralia.gov.au/doc/work-related-psychological-health-and-safety-systematic-approach-meeting-your-duties

Thank you for reading this detailed reply. Nothing is an accident in the universe, and my voice, for the common good (also in the mission) will finally be heard.

Kind regards and "see" you on Thursday. Vicki.

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I made an annotation on document 88, noting:

I am very skilled at my work, but naive with how grievances are meant to “work”. Given I’ve been marginalised and deliberately isolated since July 2019, for something I honestly thought would be resolved in confidence, fairly and quickly with established procedures, a human being does break and reaches out to ask if any of your respected colleagues ever cared about you in return. The worst is the relentless harassment that led me to react with distress signals in ways I never would, had I felt peace and safe from bullying and left alone. My “behaviour” is fear for my safety and job security, for no other reason than wanting to resolve an issue with my manager, that I couldn’t reasonably tolerate anymore. I have trauma that keeps getting triggered by HR managers. I want these bullies to finally leave me alone. It’s gone on long enough.

This post is based on documents 87-88.

Another “doctor” full of innuendo, lies and suspicious actions - July 2020

On 23 July 2020, I was coerced (this time under workers compensation “law”) to attend yet another IME. Given my first horrific experience with Deepinder Miller, I started shaking in trauma at the thought of another one of these shitty unethical things as part of a shitty unethical “process”.

I was right.

My NTD has the report. As expected, it is deliberately full of suspicion, innuendo, anecdotes or unsupported information from any source, that, according to SIRA NSW guidelines, is not acceptable (a link to the guidelines is provided below). But we are “forced” to accept this traumatic bullshit as part of a “process”, with SIRA NSW having done nothing more than produce a fancy publication informing us all it is “unacceptable”. Since when did that ever stop corrupt conduct without proper enforcement and compliance in place, and a “process” that stops such harmful conduct, to begin with? 

I cannot view this slanderous report because it was full of innuendos, malicious lies, vexations etc. that’s unacceptable as an excuse to deny a claim, as per SIRA NSW guidelines. This practitioner was as unprofessional and deceitful as the one on 14 November 2019. Also, my support person was refused entry to support me. That’s suspiciously dodgy (let alone unacceptable) for a psychological injury. It became obvious why during that (yet again) weird and disturbing meeting. 

How much more slander and defamatory reports can I bear? I can’t bear it, I should not be repeatedly forced and coerced to bear it, I WILL NOT be subjected to such defamatory bullshit ANYMORE. These “doctors” should be struck off, not be paid more for being unethical and engaging in human rights abuse! 

My notes immediately after another traumatic IME experience:

“[Why were seriously personal questions asked in this “process”? What was the motive behind this unethical attempt? How dare she ask such violating and irrelevant questions!] 

Such questions wouldn’t be lawful in a job interview so why were such personal questions asked in this “exam”? Extremely irrelevant, personal and a violation of my privacy. I was very confused and taken aback with these questions... It was inappropriate…

We know that an example of harassment is when a manager is asking / interrogating an employee with personal questions, prying into private information that is not their business and causes an employee to feel awkward and uncomfortable. I’m very disturbed by this “consultation.”

I’ve been interrogated, violated and put in awkward and uncomfortable situations repeatedly while this manager is at work with freedom to potentially continue the slander, malicious rumours and damaging gossip. A continuing violation of my privacy as it has always been. For this reason alone, I am considering a request to view the report.” 

A NOTE I WROTE ON 18 OCTOBER 2020: I did make the request from the insurer. I received no response. My GP also does not have this report and on a SIRA NSW brochure, the GP should have been provided with this and it’s my right to request the report. I’ve submitted a complaint with WIRO – to date there’s been no response there too.

“I immediately ended any question about family. Their privacy must be respected (and should have always been respected). They, like me, did not take kindly or appreciate hostile comments made like [the associate director] revealed on the phone at 4pm on 3/01/20, “Vicki, we have been informed that you have family issues affecting the ability to do your job.” I was in their living and we all heard this loud and clear. I think we all, however, have a right to now know who has been doing the informing and who are the people who have been informed. [And what exactly were they being “informed” of]. 

Personal leave exists for a reason and it is a legal entitlement for each employee. What everyone fails to understand is I have a right to my privacy and interrogating me on why I need to take sick leave (in 20 years as human beings it’s inevitable that sometimes you need it for health-related care), is harassment and not accommodation. I don’t think it’s right that I am continuously interrogated about my private life that is irrelevant to my work. Even the fact that these questions are asked is inappropriate.

I told the practitioner I’m doing better already, now that the harassment has stopped. My cognitive function is improving, I go on beach walks, talk to friends, play music, read books etc. My health and wellbeing already started improving as soon as the relentless harassment stopped.”

NOTE: the harassment did not stop, even with a certificate of capacity to focus entirely on my health and wellbeing. It deliberately continued from the biggest cause of my claim, as per incident #24 in that signed legitimate detailed statement I had provided to Catholic Church Insurance, that was meant to be strictly confidential, for the insurer. 

“I told her … I had tried reasonable communication first with the manager causing me health and safety issues, then her manager and then one whole year with HR. I asked for a meeting, then mediation and a number of other approaches. The lack of cooperation was from my employer. I had cooperated with what they had requested (mostly the library associate director’s “mishandling” of the situation causing me further brokenness and burn out), but there was no support and cooperation being reciprocated. In nearly two decades, it was the first time I needed support to resolve a workplace issue impacting my health and wellbeing. I made multiple reasonable attempts to resolve this quickly mid-last year. They did not comply with WHS & Wellbeing legislation and did not follow their own policies and procedures for handling a serious complaint like this.

As I said to this practitioner, yes, I can return tomorrow if the issue affecting my health & safety is resolved…

One caller on the phone to Melissa Barrett, during the session, was “Deepi”. I kept calm but it triggered not only the stress I was put through with empty threats from HR if I didn’t go to see “Deepinder Miller” for an IMA on 14 November 2019, but this practitioner’s hostility & dishonesty regarding her decision to terminate the session, advising me to speak with HR to understand why I was sent. HR, however, continued to refuse all my attempts to communicate so I understand why. What made it worse was that the excuse changed each time I persevered. The excuse was getting more immoral and unethical and causing more damage to the organisation regarding evidence of adverse action for enforcing my employee rights. Hence why I finally had to apply for compensation. I had a support person when I was made to visit “Deepi” under threats from HR. She didn’t inform HR of the fact? According to her report back to HR, the IMA did not go ahead because I was apparently hostile and abruptly walked out. It doesn’t instil great trust in the integrity and authenticity, honesty and professionalism of such practitioners. If the person who called was this “Deepi”, I am very cautious regarding this examination…

That I was calm, I was. Any responses I made aligned to my 42-page report regarding the incidences resulting in my injuries. My health is improving now that the harassment has stopped, that is obvious. But I need to give feedback regarding what I believe are inappropriate and discriminatory questions. I have been put through the wringer very unfairly for too long by people that should have known the legislation regarding these work-related matters…

I’ll wait for the insurer’s decision but I will request to see the report from the IME if there’s any more injustice toward me... But these are the factors that greatly concerned me.

23/07/2020 3:00pm”.

As I mentioned, my “support” person was refused entry to support me. We all know why, given Catholic Church Insurance leaders now appeared to have “agreed” to collude in adverse action with the perpetrators within the insured. But to have the phone ring during the consultation, from Melissa Barrett’s “friend” Deepi Miller, to organise lunch together, such low levels they all chose to stoop to. Was money thrown in their direction to do this too? Oh, but there is no “witness” with me to prove it happened. Let’s look at the balance of probabilities in the entire thriller, instead. 

My support, a good friend of mine, wrote this in the waiting area, on 23 July 2020:

“At 1pm, I asked [the receptionist] why rooms are not made available to have a support person, when advised a support person may come. Was advised Dr Barrett normally allows a support person, but due to Covid can decide not to. I said it’s disappointing as it may show there are alternate reasons not to allow a support person, especially when another client was seen to go in with a support person (mother). [The receptionist] said he understands.”

Hmmm. Excuses and double standards. Readers, on the balance of probabilities, what do you think? 

If COVID was an issue for “Dr. Barrett”, we should have had a videoconference, with the presence of my support person. This should be a right and not up to these unethical “practitioners” to decide. But later, you’ll all come to learn that even when it is stipulated as a right by the Personal Injury Commission, these unethical IME “practitioners” have no problem agreeing to obstruct justice. 

According to the SIRA NSW guidelines: 

“Note: Suspicion, innuendo, anecdotes or unsupported information from any source, including the employer, is not acceptable.”

But what is SIRA NSW doing to STOP such misconduct? In such cases, people have already been subjected to workplace psychological violence, including slander, malicious rumours, vexatious actions, innuendo and gaslighting! That’s why it resulted in a claim! And to seriously force this abuse on them for a second time? And the audacity of workers compensation solicitors to say these unethical (and corrupted) “practitioners” are entitled to their opinions? But the very victim of such repeated abuse is denied their own human right to a voice in what caused the harm to them. Victims being victimised by a screwed “system” and public servants with no common sense and practical wisdom, yet again! 

And for that matter, why did SafeWork NSW not use their powers to STOP the psychological violence in the workplace, if the PCBU refused to manage it, when it was reported to them? Or worse, like in this case, where it included staff in the WHS unit, who were engaging in psychological violence as diabolical adverse action? 

Here is a link to the Workers compensation guidelines : Requirements for insurers, workers, employers, and other stakeholders - https://www.sira.nsw.gov.au/workers-compensation-claims-guide/legislation-and-regulatory-instruments/guidelines/workers-compensation-guidelines. 

Regarding Dr. Melissa Barrett, once they start getting a taste of the money, it seems morality and ethics are on a steep decline. These are reviews from other experiences on ratemds regarding this SIRA NSW “approved” IME “practitioner”:

2021

“A cold and dismissive person who should not be working in mental health.”

“Difficult to build rapport with, lacks empathy and doesn’t take the time needed to find out the core of the issues. Would not recommend!”

2022

“Not good… Thinks [of] herself not the patient’s best interests”.

2023

“Lack of empathy, no concentration at all and most of the time it is all about what she had already made up in her mind, so pretty much racing over the whole conversation and asking you irrelevant questions just to build her report.”

2024

“Absolutely abhorrent, the report was nothing more than a cut-and-paste from somebody else’s. She was late to start the appointment, she interrupted the appointment with her own personal phone call and just put mine on mute.

She continued to tell me to hurry up and presented new questions before I had completed answering the question prior. 

I think my experience is very much a medical negligence case and there was nothing positive; what I said and what she wrote are worlds apart.

Clearly this doctor is well received by the insurance companies and she’s paid well to write what the insurer wants to hear. 

I would strongly recommend that you do not use this doctor. You do not need to be retraumatised by her deny, delay and deceitful reports. Which will only obfuscate your matter.

IPSI-DIXIT my matter is being appealed given the 26 pages of false and misleading opinions.” 

BUT SIRA NSW HAS ALLOWED SUCH CONTINUATION OF ABUSE TO HAPPEN. THEY FAILED IN THEIR DUTY OF CARE TO REGULATE ALL KEY STAKEHOLDERS. 

IT IS MEDICAL FRAUD. 

This post is based on document 79.

Email address created strictly for Return to Work communication - July 2020

On 2 July 2020, I start making attempts at safety provisions surrounding communication and my many reasonable efforts to Return to Work, as per INJURY MANAGEMENT PLAN AGREEMENT. 

I created a new email address and used it to inform ALL RELEVANT PARTIES that I created this account strictly for communication and collaboration with my NTD, allied health practitioner, the Catholic Church Insurance case manager, and my employer’s  “RTW coordinator” she was meant to be. 

The email address was created on the suggestion of my nominated psychologist, at the consultation straight after the harassing email from the safety manager that triggered distress. It was a great idea that I implemented.

It was solely for the purpose of Return To Work planning and strictly for communication with these parties only. Instead, through the RTW co-ordinator, the email became a tool for her “superiors” in HR & WHS, to stalk, harass and threaten me. 

It was also handed over to two unethical lawyers from Clayton Utz, who decided to commit an offence by using a telecommunications carrier in attempt to intimidate me, adding more incidents of harassment, “on behalf of the University.” Who at “the University” authorised and paid for this offence? How much? Why do Clayton Utz lawyers agree to “the job”? They have a history, as a law firm, of repeated serious unethical conduct. Are they a legal practice or an “illegal” practice?

Ultimately, SafeWork NSW and SIRA NSW succeeded in causing me so much trauma in negligence and deceit, I had to remove the email address from my devices for my emotional safety. Removed, not closed. 

On 2 July 2020, I used the new email address to send the following message to the RTW coordinator & nominated psychologist:

“I have created this email address to be specifically for all correspondence and communication regarding the Worker's Compensation return to work plan between myself, my health professionals, the case worker from the insurer and yourself, [RTW coordinator], as my workplace contact.”

I had no reply from the “RTW coordinator”, confirming receipt. She just kept exposing me to reckless harm by violating my privacy and handing over any new contact and information to that psychopath who was the NATIONAL SAFETY MANAGER, to continue harassing, gaslighting and threatening me. 

On 6 July 2020, I also sent an email from the new account to the CCI case manager: 

“I have set up this email specifically for the workplace case and injury. It is what I will use for communication only with those who will be part of the collaboration and co-operation for rehabilitation and my return to work plan implementation.”

On 8 July 2020, the case manager replied:

“Thank you for letting me know, I have updated your email address on our system.”

This will turn out to be the last communication I have with the one ethical person in this corrupted “process”. Catholic Church Insurance would now remove the case manager, never to be replaced. They also do not inform myself, or my NTD or nominated psychologist, that (or if) the case manager left, and who my new replacement would be. Just silence.

It was the creation of this email address and instructing the RTW team it is strictly for them and myself to communicate, as we plan a safe recovery at work, that had me go to my next appointment upbeat and well. 

It was then, at the following week’s appointment, I’m informed that the “safety manager”,  the perpetrator I repeatedly demanded to stay away and stop communicating and harassing me, had contacted the office of my nominated psychologist. 

From being upbeat and well, I became distressed and afraid, again. 

That’s when I drafted the letter below. I was going to send it to my employer. Although I never sent this particular letter, I send something similar in October 2020. Whether I had sent the letter I share below, or not, it would not have made a difference. My right to safety and my request for certain staff, especially the national safety manager, to refrain from contact and stay away from me (that became a demand and legal obligation as per incident #24 in my detailed statement for CCI), was never respected and honoured. 

The harassment continued under workers compensation regulations. 

It was around  the 7 July 2020, that I drafted a letter I intended to send. To quote: 

“I request for my case to be handed over and managed by the [Manager of WHS & Wellbeing]. I trust that, from now on, my privacy is respected, and for my safety and wellbeing, my case remains strictly with the WHS manager at work. The HR managers, [Director, Associate Director and National manager of employment relations and safety], are not to become involved and no information regarding my return to work plan is to be given to them without my knowledge and permission first. They are also to respect my health professionals by not directly corresponding with them again.

I had already stated clearly that the email address I created was for those specifically involved in my return to work plan after serious injuries were inflicted upon me, predominantly by the abovementioned HR managers. I expect my instructions will be honoured and my privacy will not be violated again. Any unreasonable objection to my request and I will apply for an Order to Stop Bullying via the Fair Work Commission*. The harassment, hostile attitude, isolation and violation of my privacy will not happen again. Those staff must keep their distance from now as part of my recovery and to restore my feeling of safety, wellbeing and dignity in the workplace.

…My family members will be left alone and their privacy respected from now on. To date, I have experienced unprofessionalism and an extremely low standard of service from Human Resources. HR had a legal obligation and duty of care toward me. Official policies and procedures to resolve my grievance / complaint / issue efficiently and fairly to ensure a safe work environment were not followed. I trust that all parties will follow the injury management process as outlined by the insurer and what I need as I have outlined in this letter. I need a commitment to restore my dignity as a human person (as emphasised in the [University’s] mission statement).”

*Refer to Part 1 of my 3 part blog post The Unfair Work Commission - Denying workers their generally protected rights, for why an attempt at a Stop Bullying Order would likely fail. I have yet to post Parts 2 and 3 of the case that did go through the Fair Work Commission, involving the same individuals which, in itself, proves collusion and committing offences including medical fraud, let alone suspected obstruction of justice due to undisclosed conflicts of interest (that’s coming up). 

This post is based on documents 78 and 86.

Below is the previous SIRA NSW poster that was legally required to be displayed in workplaces. 

IT IS NOT ENOUGH IF EMPLOYERS DO NOT COMPLY. 

IT IS JUST ANOTHER CHECK BOX TICKED. 

Let’s unpack the SIRA NSW poster:

1. Tell your employer - I did, as per advice from employment lawyer #3, because, to quote verbatim what they said, “I advise you make a workers compensation claim because it’s not worth your health.” But what if it’s “the employer” causing injuries, as adverse action, ironically, because staff raised a grievance of an unsafe work environment? Where was SafeWork NSW’s legal action to investigate serious gross negligence from uncooperative employers refusing to reasonably manage psychosocial hazards? 

2. See your doctor - I did, but, just like the employer, the self-insurer refused to contact or cooperate with my doctor to ensure the legally binding injury management plan agreement is applied by ALL STAKEHOLDERS, INCLUDING CATHOLIC CHURCH INSURANCE. See post: Injury management plan - a legally binding agreement - June 2020

3. Recover at work - I am the only one making huge efforts, beyond fair and reasonable, to do exactly what is stated as #3, and as per INJURY MANAGEMENT PLAN AGREEMENT. 

“Contact your employer’s insurer for more information” - I DID. They ignored, dodged, and refused to comply with workers compensation regulations. My attempts at obtaining “more information” via CCI, NTEU and finally, WIRO (now IRO), are coming up in my story.

“RECOVER BETTER AT WORK: Evidence shows you recover from an injury better at work than at home. 

Being off work can affect your health and wellbeing, your financial situation and your relationships with family and friends. 

If a co-worker is off injured, stay in touch and support their return to work.” 

NO SHIT! But try getting co-operation from SAFEWORK NSW, IRO AND SIRA NSW. 

THE STATE REGULATORS WERE BARRIERS TO MY ATTEMPTS TO RECOVER IN MY JOB! 

RESTITUTION INCLUDES FIXING WHAT SAFEWORK NSW, IRO AND SIRA NSW CAUSED! 

GET THE INJURY MANAGEMENT PLAN AGREEMENT ENFORCED SIRA NSW. I HAVE A RIGHT TO RECOVER AT WORK. 

ORDER THE PSYCHOLOGICAL VIOLENCE OF MOBBING AND OSTRACISM TO STOP SAFEWORK NSW. 

I never expected this level of systemic failure, neglect and abuse. This is NOT “customer service”, NSW Department of Customer Service. It’s professional, psychological and financial abuse towards your customers. 

If you get injured at work - Poster

I think the poster above is better than the new one SIRA NSW has created, because it includes the Recover Better At Work section. 

The new poster feels “suspiciously vague”.

Here is a link to the new If You Get Injured at Work poster - https://www.sira.nsw.gov.au/resources-library/workers-compensation-resources/publications/workers-compensation-policies/if-you-get-injured-at-work-poster