Part 2 - Bullying, discrimination and harassment - the initial complaint

I’m just going to keep ripping the band-aids off (there are many wounds), and keep going: 

7. In May of that first year in my new role, the manager directed me to rate one of my team member’s PRP as below expectations. I was being pressured to do something I disagreed with, but it was impossible to argue my point and communicate respectfully with the manager. For starter, I already listed the incident regarding this team member, earlier in the year, but for the manager, it seems she didn’t care if you’re dying. The obligation to the university came first (I heard this repeatedly in personal crises of my own and I refuse to put my family’s safety at risk because of this individual’s constant harassment. I had tolerated enough disrespect from in my already tragic personal history).

8. Another PRP: the manager and I had agreed that a librarian on my team had exceeded expectations, working above her HEW level. She was a high performer, quiet achiever and would definitely be progressing to higher levels with her skills and qualifications (she likely already has, but I’m being severely abused and professionally harmed for displaying ethical and positive leadership. This has been the gratitude from “the university”, or rather, executive leaders - I don’t care if they’re not grateful that their staff live the mission and apply the code of conduct - they breached multiple laws and contracts. Where are the regulators SafeWork NSW and SIRA NSW?). As we had agreed, in my next meeting with this librarian, I informed her she would be getting this outcome and I told her the reasons after all our conversations and reflection. However, the manager suddenly went back on her agreement and told me this librarian shouldn’t get this outcome. It was relating to something unbelievably trivial and subjective, and I found myself with the PD for this role, justifying again why she should. The manager undermined my authority again and I found myself in a predicament of compromising my integrity with my team member. The manager’s complaint had something to do with the staff member not greeting her in the morning. She was a reserved but focused worker, and, knowing her, she was likely doing the work that “exceeded” her HEW level, and possibly did not notice the manager’s presence to greet her that particular morning. I used the PD to justify this, not someone’s subjective feelings. I won’t work this way again.

9. Each PRP is a confidential matter with each individual. How did the SL whose support I “didn’t want to lose” know about the PRP of the SLT? I believe there was discussion among the manager and SL, and I also knew, from my 18 years experience, the gossip that took place between these people. If the manager did indeed, breach confidentially, at best, undermining my authority again, I’d had enough of unethical behaviour that had never been managed by an Associate Director. The manager did the exact things she claimed she didn’t like others doing: micromanaging, gossiping, lacking empathy and emotional intelligence and bullying staff at their most vulnerable moments in their lives.

10. After bullying, discrimination and harassment, this manager informed me that my PRP report would not be submitted because I had allegedly not met expectations in my role as SLC. The manager had already decided I’m not management material, even though I had only been in the role for five months and burnt out trying to meet her vague expectations and serious micromanagement that was suffocating! I was offended. What exactly were the expectations according to her, because I completed my parts of the PRP based on each agreed outcome and I definitely did, according to what was written. The manager never articulated what the alleged unmet expectations were. If not doing things her way, treating staff in the same unethical way or having to read her mind was what was meant, I never will meet these expectations and I stand my ground on this.

Throughout these five months, I had received little support, guidance and assistance, and this left me feeling demoralised, burnt out and unwell. The SLCs on others campuses were not going through this hell. 

11. That same month, I disclosed to the manager that I was exhausted and considered taking a period of “stress” leave. The manager replied saying words to the effect of “that would ruin your career”. After 18 years of working so hard for the benefit of many, especially this person! I considered that a threat. So I pushed on, even though it had now become a WHS issue.

12. On 30 May 2017 I commenced a month of annual leave, however, I spent my leave suffering from work-related stress and anxiety. I was losing my faith in humanity, so I went to a Tuscan village called Montalcino, in the hope of meeting people to resurrect that faith. It did. It was a beautiful community. But I was having nightmares while there, that left me lacking sleep. I found myself crying each and every day. The nightmares were like a premonition of things to come, both personally and professionally. The nightmares were nothing compared with the reality of what came when I returned home. 

13. Not long after my return, to what I now considered a toxic society, I took a period of sick leave. I had experienced a tragic death in my immediate family years before (my dad’s suicide), and I was suffering from suppressed grief and trauma which was compounded by the difficult workplace situation. As per the existing WHS and Wellbeing policy states, it was time I took care of myself and started grief and trauma counseling sessions. A month later, I returned to the workplace. I will unpack what happened in July 2017, that finally had me release so much suppressed grief and pain at this time. It’s something that affects families left behind after a suicide. It comes back to indifference and ignorance. Especially from religious communities. That is for another post. 

14. Not long after my return, the bullying, discrimination and harassment (the gossip and malicious rumours) started up again. The manager now accused me of sharing personal information with a good friend of mine and my family’s, who was an administrative officer in one of the schools on campus. We have been friends since 2002. Accusing me, in a matter of fact way, that I offloaded my own personal issues to this dear friend of mine, who was a colleague at the time, and going through a serious time with his health, I was in complete shock and all I could say to the manager was, “I can’t trust anyone.” It was a completely fabricated piece of disgusting gossip. That is exactly what I had to endure from the church community when my father took his life and I would never do that to anyone. The colleague and family friend was one of the few who supported me and my family at that tragic time in my life. The real story was actually that I saw him at the memorial mass of a lecturer at the chapel and noticed he didn’t look well. I informed the staff campus minister to check on him because of this observation and feeling. I called him one time to see if he was OK. I felt so guilty to even check in on him after this accusation. The manager never told me where this garbage came from. She did at the meeting on July 1st 2019, that it came from the SL. I hope the reader of these particulars can identify the repeated behaviour in these incidences.

15. A couple of months later, I assisted another SL in my team to submit three proposals for a symposium. Two of these proposals were accepted. I further advised and guided the SL to prepare a presentation and a workshop. Once a plan was outlined for the workshop, the SL was confident with what was needed to continue based on our client’s expertise and advice. But this wasn’t enough for the manager. She criticised me for failing to provide feedback on the SL’s final versions of her presentation and workshop. I was upset by this accusation as I was aware that other members of my team had provided feedback. I had encouraged this.

At this time, I was at another campus on a planning day, and I was only checking emails intermittently. As such, the manager’s criticism of me was unreasonable and unfair. No matter how much I did to support staff in my team, it was never enough for the manager. I knew each staff’s strengths and challenges. I provided input and support where needed to overcome anxiety or hurdles. I advised and guided the SL, through questions and suggestions, to prepare the PPT for a lightning talk and also a breakout workshop. Once we worked on a plan for the workshop, she was confident on what she needed to do and was flying (it’s online at https://members.caval.edu.au/member-committees/members-crig/crig-past- seminars/crig-seminar-2017 ). 

Apparently I didn’t give feedback on the final version (even though the entire deliverable got accepted and was successful based on my guidance and I was at a supervisor’s meeting at another campus when I “should” have given the final seal of approval). As others in the team did, I would think we could all do our bit to support each other’s goals as a team.

I will be honest. 2017 was not a good year for me on a personal level. Apart from other things like this unmanaged psychosocial hazard at work, as I mentioned, I finally started grieving the loss of my father to suicide. However, it’s expected of us in this society, to never show our vulnerability, brokenness or emotions, but to not take time off as needed to recover, and to suppress this instead. We must put on the happy brave face and quickly return to work because we have an obligation to the university, no matter what happens in our lives. Or perhaps that’s just this manager’s philosophy. How cruel and dangerous. As one of my colleagues said to me (who also experienced discrimination from this manager), “there are times we need to take time off for our wellbeing. But when I’m at work, I work and I am productive.” I agree. Bullying staff at emotionally traumatic, vulnerable times or times of illness, is wrong. It’s inhumane.

16. In December 2017, my friend and colleague, the school administrative officer, emailed me to inform me he was much better. I called him as he was in the office, to say I was happy and relieved. Working in an open office, the SL (the one who spread the malicious gossip I shared in #14) realised who I was speaking with, came over my head, to say loudly, “Be careful!” She gave me a fright (I’m not kidding), so I finished the call quickly and asked her, “Be careful of what?” She proceeded to tell me the health issue he experienced (seriously, is there no privacy for people’s health here?). I said, “Yes. And he emailed me to say he’s doing much better and I called to wish him and his family a happy Christmas.” How dare they talk like this at work behind my back! The biggest trigger for me are gossip and rumours that do damage and hurt innocent people. It happened to my family and I at the time of my father’s suicide and even eight years later we were correcting fake news, not because we owed anyone an explanation, but to show how wrong people were, so hopefully they would stop engaging in it. But some people refuse to learn and to stop. Some even make a career out of it (and I’m not talking about those who work for tabloid newspapers or gossip magazines. I’m talking about HR). 

To be continued…

There are five parts.