My personal story - Part 9 - Faith

“Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them.”

Traditional All Souls Day prayer

Today, 2 November, is All Souls Day in the calendar of the Catholic Church. I’ll come back to why this is a significant date for me, in another post. 

For those who have been reading my story, it’s obvious that I’ve been handling and fighting multiple bad situations simultaneously. I may have written this before, but I’ll repeat it again. I believe it’s simple to be kind, but what I find easy, so many find really hard. And the kinder you are, the more you suffer in this world. 

I’ve learnt that no amount of kindness can combat cruelty in this world on its own. It needs faith and prayer. Spiritual warfare requires a spiritual weapon. I wasn’t in combat with individuals in my personal life or people at work or corrupt “systems” in this society. I believe good and evil, beyond our physical senses, do exist. 

Through all this suffering, my faith has become stronger. Perhaps I needed to go through all this to learn and to be closer to God. Faith is something personal to me and my journey.

Even so, I struggle to understand why all this is happening. I really don’t know how to bring light and kindness to such a cruel world so devoid of feeling. How can people hurt others so much and not care at all? It’s been too much in my lifetime already. I can’t let it happen to me again. Did I work hard and fight all these difficult battles for nothing?

When I was 18, I had a disturbing dream. I’ll quote from my journal entry what I wrote at the time:

“It was a dream I had a month ago. I had a dream that there were all these incredibly scary-looking demons dancing on top of my cupboard. One jumped off and grabbed my hand, pulling me to join them in their dance. I was fighting it and managed to escape, and started running. The demon chased me. I ran to the kitchen… where I said to my family, “the demons are after us”. I woke up then. I don't usually get scared of nightmares after I wake up, but this seemed so real, like I actually fought with it. I was so scared, I couldn't sleep the following night in fear that I would see it again.”

I felt like it was something I could not ignore, but something I’d have to fight, only not on my own. When all these concurrent battles got too much and I finally screamed out, “Why God? Why so much unfair pain in my life?” I used the gifts He gave me to search for the answer. I researched and read and read and read. The more I read, the more revealing and clear things became for me. 

My suffering has strengthened my faith. I’ve been attacked by so much evil since 2017, I now understand the dream that warned me.

Many times I get into the human habit of trying to do it myself, to resolve conflict, fight back on my own, losing sight of the one I should have trusted my fears, pain, sorrow, and suffering to. I needed to let in the light of Christ to bring peace, love, forgiveness, kindness, humility, understanding, compassion and wisdom. On my own, I became frustrated and made mistakes. 

In our human nature, we try to make sense of everything. We try to apply reason to a situation. The irony is, how many times are we unreasonable? 

When a person can learn to silence the screaming in their head (that is, ego and thoughts that are lies and hurt others), only then can a person listen to the whispers in their heart. God whispers, He doesn’t scream. And that’s where instinct lies. 

For me, the biggest lesson in this life journey was finding out that when you are true to your values, open to wisdom, discernment, and being insightful about events that happen, you will be attacked and persecuted. When you stand up for justice, for what you believe is right; when you ask challenging questions; or refute an argument that has no evidence, there are people who will either fight you or flee. Those reactions are motivated by pride in people who don’t want to change for the better. They don’t want to learn and grow in truth and love. They don’t want to learn from their mistakes. 

That’s why history repeats itself. If people learnt from the past, then why are we still in conflict on a personal level and war on a global level? But it is a choice each one of us can make. We have the gift of God’s free will to choose what we know to be right in our hearts, or follow the crowd because it feels “safe”, at least for now. But for how long? Peace, love and kindness for a better world requires a collective effort, but it starts with each individual. 

I’d love to visit places like Medjugorje and Fatima. I’ve read all the messages from Our Lady Queen of Peace at Medjugorje. For me, they bring comfort.

There was a Jubilee Pilgrimage to Medjugorje and Rome I wanted to join from 30 September to 13 October 2025. It is a sad irony that I could not fund this, and therefore could not go, because of the persecution, including wage theft and fraud as adverse action, by institutions of the Catholic Church in Australia. At the moment it feels like demons are chasing me from church institutions no matter where I turn. They will not win. 

The official theme of this Jubilee Year in the Catholic Church, in other words, a special “Holy Year”, is “Pilgrims of Hope”. I love that. It’s exactly what we need. Hope. 

It was Pope Francis who chose the theme to help “restore a climate of hope and trust.”

As I mentioned, given the institutional abuse I’m still a target of, a spiritual battle I never expected to be fighting at such a level, I could not go. 

It turned out God had other plans, because the day before the pilgrims departed, on the 29 September, 2025*, I was invited to give evidence in person at a hearing of the Public Accountability and Works Committee inquiry into a proposed workers compensation bill. It was an important contribution to make, for the common good and dignity of the human person. We are also a democracy, despite the Minns government having tried to undermine due process. 

I had written a letter to the chaplain accompanying the pilgrimage. I needed the prayers of the pilgrims that were going.

I’ve sent multiple petitions to Medjugorje over the years that I’ve had to fight these battles, now all alone and frightened. I wasn’t protected from battle, but surely I wasn’t alone. There were many times I asked God to take this bitter cup from me, but then I said, “Your Will, not mine.”

My faith, however, is and always will be separate from this hypocrisy. Jesus had already called out hypocrisy in His ministry (Matt. 23), and they crucified Him for it. He didn’t allow me to go through anything He didn’t go through first. But my hope lies in the Resurrection. I need to keep clinging to hope. I’m trying, but many times, it is difficult. 

I hope that what I’ve done, using the gifts God gave me, to serve the greater good of society, will save lives. Sometimes, I ask in my weakness and fear, “But who’s saving mine?” Then I remember that Pope Francis dedicated this Jubilee Year to one of Hope. I hope that I too, will be saved.

* 29 September is also the Feast Day of St. Michael the Archangel in the Catholic Church calendar. With everything I have been through, for me, in my heart, there are no coincidences. (http://mystory-myvoice.blogspot.com/2025/09/my-personal-story-part-8-bethany-college.html).