My Story - My Voice: My personal story - Part 11

“…what I do know for sure is that women don’t need men to simply give us help - we need men … to believe in us in order for our traumas to heal.”

Lady Gaga, Stefani Germanotta. Foreword in Trauma: The invisible epidemic. By Dr. Paul Conti.

Today is my birthday. It is a day of pain: of loneliness, loss, disenfranchised grief, feeling silenced and, yes, of trauma. It’s all caused from trauma.

The trauma was caused by human behaviour and emotional abuse. It was caused by a silencing of my need to speak, my need to express how I felt and why, and a refusal to respect my needs in return. That was coupled with a sense of entitlement to take everything I wished for, each year, for my birthday, with no remorse and no regard for the state I was left in. And that’s not even including the evil I became a target of, again in my life, all because I requested some agreed boundaries for a safe work environment.

Now I’m all alone, suffering and forced to live with disenfranchised grief. Every birthday I wished for a family of my own. That’s what I wished for, as I blew out those candles.

My mum would say to me, the greatest lottery is finding a good man to marry. If children come along, that’s an additional blessing.

She’s right. If, all these years, I did not succeed in finding one good man, what does that tell us about our society and its values today? Did I fail, or was I failed?

The worst part of disenfranchised grief comes from people who believe it’s their right to force their own opinions onto a person silently suffering. My manager was one example. I remember a time being in her office, doing the brilliant work I always did for her and for the university. I don’t remember why and how this conversation came about, but she implied that it was my fault for not having a family, and that I can have a child on my own. The tone in how it was conveyed, intensified my internal pain. I tried to respond but all I could do was place my head in my hands, something I tend to do when I feel “defeated” with such insensitive words and behaviour. This is an example of what people experiencing disenfranchised grief are confronted with, like the suppressed grief itself isn’t enough.

Because I could never get a word in edgewise to respond to such unsolicited comments (it’s pointless to even try with such personality types), I’d sit outside the chapel on campus, and when my dear friend and colleague, the campus minister, would walk by, I’d share my reply with her. Here’s what I said that day: I don’t tell people how to live their lives. Their choices and their private life is their business. I care who they are in how they treat people in their everyday interactions. So I don’t accept people telling me how to live my life. It’s not their place and it’s not their right.

I don’t appreciate people forcing their opinions and judgements onto me. For me, it started with marriage. Marriage is a sacrament. Marriage is blessed. Marriage is sacred. God Himself said at Creation that it is not good for man to be alone, he needed a helper. For me, that included someone who would have my back, and would believe in me, as I would believe in him. But I only encountered men who helped themselves (so to speak) and contributed the final blow of trauma and loss with a big serving of shame and humiliation.

We each have a right to feel safe in our grief and trauma. With personality types like the example I gave, it’s private and none of their business, for obvious reasons. I guarded myself as best I could (given the circumstances), and never wished or agreed to discuss it. But the more “private” you are, the more speculative gossip occurs. A person in such an environment is damned if they do, damned if they don’t.

So below I share my journal entry I wrote on my 21st birthday. Why the tone of gloom? The dampener on my mood came from a cousin, the same covert narcissistic personality type as the manager. Then these people wonder why they end up burning their bridges with everyone they encounter in their lives. They are energy vampires who don’t know when to stop interfering, gossiping and when to mind their own business. But they do leave a trail of harm and trauma in their wake.

Everyone had a nice time. It was a simple backyard barbecue. My dad’s perfectly marinated lamb souvlakia on a charcoal BBQ were the best. My mum’s cheese triangles (tiropitakia), and just so much beautiful food served generously with a huge dose of love, it was simple and enjoyable. I’m sad that my journal entry does not reflect that. I’ve now explained why. There’s more behind the sentence, “I don’t think that life will be enjoyable or easy.” I’m an empath. The constant shitty energy that comes from a narcissist enters my pores like poison. It’s toxic.

I find it very interesting that I wrote, “People say ‘life is what you make of it’, but sometimes other people have a way of making life for you, and that is not necessarily a good thing.”

I made the most out of my life: education, career, healthy finances, travel, social, hobbies, to name a few. But what this cousin started, others chose to finish.

I’m related to narcissistic and psychopathic personality types. My family and I had enough crappy interfering experiences to cause harm, as I was growing up. They finally “achieved” an “outcome” of taking my dad’s life. I did not need a VC, in a university that has a commitment to the dignity of the human person in its mission, intentionally set a psychopath on me and my family, because I finally couldn’t tolerate the narcissistic manager’s suffocating harassment. It was seriously affecting my health and well-being.

I was not going to let more harm come to me and my family by yet more narcissists and psychopaths. I was about to put up the fight of my life. That’s what truly strong women do. They are grounded in their values, and they despise hypocrisy and sham dealings.

Below is the first page of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). Ironically, this was done in a professional development course at my work. It is the rarest of the 16 personality types, statistically only 1-2% of the population. Why is it so rare?

“INFJs have a gift for intuitively understanding complex meanings and human relationships. They are conscientious, committed to their firm values, and quietly forceful. They develop a clear vision about how best to serve humanity and are likely to be organised and decisive in implementing their vision.

They value home, family, health, friendships, spirituality, and learning.”

I’m definitely grounded in my values. But I’ve had too much interference and harm in attempt to destroy or derail me from my values.

I have a home I worked hard to own, yet sadly without another person living in it with me. If my university employer does not stop the systemic wage theft and defrauding me (and the VC is fully aware), I might lose my safe “home”.

I have no family of my own, because men I dated or met were self-centred, narcissistic, emotionally abusive or purely egocentric.

I have friendships, but my friends have their own partners and children. That’s the priority in this stage of life. That was my priority too. But I’m left with nothing.

My health is suffering, see above for reasons why.

I’ve written a post that shows the value I place on learning and education. Later I will write a post about my career in what I value: learning and education. See http://mystory-myvoice.blogspot.com/2025/11/my-personal-story-part-10-education.html

My spirituality and faith is stronger than ever. My faith is separate to the hypocrisy and social justice crisis I’ve been calling out. That is a strong example of my INFJ values. See http://mystory-myvoice.blogspot.com/2025/11/my-personal-story-part-9-faith.html

I’ll go through the other two pages in this brief report in a later post.

But I have trauma from the gravity of abuse directed at me. I fought a battle that I did not sign up for. I did not enlist in the military, I did not get deployed to a war zone. It should also not have felt eerily like a Cold War.

It’s important to tell my story, so society knows what this battle is. People must learn and become aware of the human rights being fought for here, for all of us. But the abuse must now STOP.

How can there be healing when the abuse hasn’t stopped?

Too many times over the last several years, I found myself paralysed with fear. What’s worse, I was all alone, with no support network.

For years, the one time I needed a supportive network surrounding me, I was deliberately isolated, neglected, abandoned and worst of all, emotionally abused by those agencies I trusted and who had a legal responsibility to ensure our safety in workplaces. Namely, SafeWork NSW.

How do I heal from everything that was taken away from me?

At least with my employer, everything stolen must and will be returned, by law. They have a duty of care to comply with laws and regulations, and to provide a safe work environment. They must be held accountable for intentionally setting a psychopath on me and my family in diabolical adverse action.

SafeWork NSW have a statutory duty to redress all the harm their gross negligence caused me and my family, for all these years they were derelict in their duties. They all have a duty of care to keep this family safe and to assist with the process of healing from this workplace trauma.

If my family want to do something as a gift for my birthday, call SafeWork NSW and report what happened to this entire family. Here’s the reference number: PSY-2711-864238.

PS. I miss mum.

https://myersbriggspersonalitytest.org/what-is-the-most-rare-personality-type/

My personal story so far: